Find out if your boyfriend or husband is cheating online


Whether your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife is using Facebook, or other sites like Ashleymadison.com, it is possible to find out if he or she is cheating on you.

Catch him cheatingChat-rooms and social-networking websites like Facebook or Ashleymadison.com have made it easier than ever to make new friends, flirt, and even have full-blown love-affairs online. Throw in a low-cost web-cam and you can imagine the fun that he or she might be having behind your back when you aren't around. Is he or she suddenly acting differently? Being more secretive, especially around the computer? Is he or she online during all hours of the night? Is he or she accusing YOU of cheating (guilt avoidance & projecting)? Or, is something just not right in the relationship? If any of this sounds familiar to you, then you might have a cheater on your hands. Even if it's "online only" cheating, it could eventually lead to something more serious. Of course for most people even an online-only relationship behind your back is not acceptable.

Try a 'keylogger'* on your PC - The easiest way to catch him! (or her)

What most cheaters do not realize is that the computer they use to cheat on you with can very easily give them away. Today there are many software packages that you can secretly install onto your computer* to easily and silently track their every move, record every keystroke, take snapshots of the screen and even crack email passwords. These software programs* will run on Windows or Apple computers, are very easy to install and use, and are undetectable to anti-spyware programs or antivirus programs. These programs can be downloaded directly from the internet and installed in minutes. 

 

Most parental control/keylogger programs run on virtually all versions of Windows, can be installed 'discreetly' (nobody will know), and will record everything typed on the computer for your review at a later time.  These programs are usually not cheap - but they work quite well.

 

If he (or she) is cheating, it's easy to find out for sure

By using one of the many commercially available cheating spouse, chat monitor, or key-logging programs* you can find out for sure if your husband (or wife!) really is doing things behind your back. Stop wondering and find out for sure - no matter the outcome, you will be happier in the long-run.

  

* *This type of software is intended for use only on a computer owned by you.  Installing this type of software on a computer not owned by you, or without the consent of the owner of the computer is illegal in most states/countries.

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Jen Rider (not verified)
Re: Find out if your boyfriend or husband is cheating online
Help please, I know he is I've just never had a boyfriend before
Anonymous Visitor (not verified)
Re: Find out if your boyfriend or husband is cheating online

Hello everyone. BELIEVE me when I say I know ALL too well how painful it is to be cheated on. I am currently still going through it myself. Its a VERY long story and its been going on 9 years. I know "why haven't you left" well, not only has my husband been cheating on me, he has done a multitude of things to destroy not only my soul, but a way out with 3 kids.
There is good news in this though! Actually 2 great things about this! The first is, I am finally strong enough to leave and currently working on it. I WILL leave this POS. The second is I have now become a master PI and I am here to help!

I read many of the posts but not all. To those who are wanting to find information, this is what you should do:
1) His/Her Phone (NOTE* My experience with phones is on Android phones with SIM Cards, and Google Play. This MAY not work for some people.):
There are an array of apps that can hide anything they want to hide. Texts messages, pictures, phone logs, etc. Here are a few examples of those apps, (Vaulty, Hide it Pro, SMS and Call Blocker) There will be a password on these apps. But do not worry if you are unable to guess them. Just study the phone and download them onto your phone. Once you have them downloaded, create your own password. Take out their SD card and/or SIM card and insert them into your phone. Now this can be tricky if the person was smart enough to use a SIM card lock. Some do not even know that is an option but if there is one, try 123 and simple numeric numbers like that. You should also try birthdays and such. This does not always work but hey, you gotta try right!

"What if you cannot get into the phone to begin with because there is a passcode and then cannot see what apps are installed?"
2) Now we move on to the email(s)My knowledge is with Google Play on this one but you can still try if its another Play store that I am not aware of. Login to their email account. Once on the email page and after you hopefully scanned all the folders for evidence, you click the squares that are on the top right of the screen by the profile information. That is where the apps are at. Click on the PLAY icon and a new window or tab will pop up. The bottom left screen shows "MY RECENT ACTIVITY". Click that first and see what they have been doing lately. After you check that, go to the top left of the previous page and click APPS. A new window or tab opens up and that is where you can view all the apps installed on the phone. You will will see a little green check on the apps showing that it is installed. Furthermore, you should click on the apps that you feel are "fishy". They will show you the date it was installed and you can scroll all the way down for further information about the app in question and the makers of the app.
This is how you can download the same apps to your phone. *NOTE* If the app shows it was installed, it does not mean that it is still installed. It just shows you that they have installed it and on what date. ADDITIONALLY, you should type in the search bar while under the APPS page for words like "HIDE" "BLOCK" "MESSENGER" Any words you can think of that could pertain to cheating or hiding stuff. Then insert their SIM card and/or SD card to obtain access to those apps.

"What if I do not have their email password either?"
3) Download any Keylogger/Screen shot onto your computer. There are many that are free or have a free trial version. I personally do not like the free trial ones because after the trial is up, you cannot obtain those logs and sometimes even if you end up buying the program the logs are lost. Here is one I did a quick google search on http://download.cnet.com/Free-Keylogger-Pro/3000-2162_4-75886072.html PLEASE read the cons! You want to unclick all unnecessary things that are trying to download as well. Follow the instructions on hiding the logger. Make sure to not install a shortcut that they could see. After you downloaded and install the program, go to your downloads folder and either erase the logger there or rename it and/or change the picture to something that looks like it came with the computer. Give it some time and check it when the other person is not there. You will get more than just the email password if your I guess, "lucky".

4) Voicemails: If you are able to get into their phone and have no password to enter than you are lucky. If you cannot get on their phone but know the password, call them when you know they will not answer. Let the Voicemail pick up and when it starts talking, press **. It will prompt you to enter * again and then the phone number you want the voicemail from. Enter that persons number and then password. And your in!

5) Finding secret emails, usernames, anything really: A keylogger is best! But if you want more, I found that Intelius works pretty good. Spokeo is good sometimes. It all depends.

6) Go through the phone records! Check picture messaging, weird numbers, weird hours, Bank statements, the car, pockets, wallets, purses, you name it, you search it!
*NOTE* It is VERY IMPORTANT that you screen shot EVERYTHING when looking at the apps, SAVE EVERYTHING, name is something else, send it to your email, a friend or family member you trust, save it on a disc, print it out, and do whatever you must to keep that information because if they find out, they will destroy it!
Now with that being said, I saw a post that someone said something along the lines of "Why do you need physical evidence when you know in your heart and mind they are cheating. You will never get them to admit the truth." I understand that totally! Even though I understand what they are saying, I personally get vindication that I can show them I know what they are doing. I then pray they will confess, and it has lead me to him "bleeding the truth out", which means he tells me some but not all. Just a little background on my situation, my husband was recently arrested for solicitation of prostitution. He denies the whole thing of course but I could not let that go. I had to know the truth! Our car was towed and a certified letter came. He opened it and tore it up and threw it away. He tied the bag up and put it outside. He left later that day and I got it out. I called the tow to ask for a physical address of where my car was towed from. They did not have an exact only what I had which was cross streets. She offered me the number to the guy who towed the car. I called him up (mind you this was like 2 weeks later) but he remembered everything! He told me it was an actual undercover sting! He gave me the address of where it took place and where the car was picked up from because apparently, the cops did not want to blow their cover and arrested him 4 miles down the road. It then lead me to more information like his records. He has had two court dates reset so it is still ongoing. I submitted and open records report, which I might add some women/men should do as well because you NEVER know. This information is open to the public if the person was found guilty or differed adjudication. His case involves audio and possible video. There is no way he can deny that and to be able to see his face (he has no clue that I have done this or has no clue its public records) will bring me some joy to know that he now knows I am better than him! That is just one thing he has done. TRUST me when I say its been BAD!!!

So ladies and gentlemen, I hope I have helped somewhat in your fight to know the truth. Its exhausting I know and when your cooking, cleaning, driving, and doing normal everyday things and suddenly have a thought or are reminded of how hurt you are, you just start balling. My heart actually hurts. I never thought I could actually live because the pain is so bad that I can barely breathe. Hang in there guys and know your better than they are. Know you are worth loving and your feelings are very valid. I am trying to do the same.

Anonymous Visitor TM (not verified)
Re: Find out if your boyfriend or husband is cheating online
Well I work on it to I going back to get my BA in DIGITAL CINEMATOGRAPHY with Sails university I just can tell you all to do the same then this is the only way out to get stronger while he Sucks the love that you give to him out of you replace it with knowledge and use it against him to be a survivor that get in gear to fake it until you make it. I agree that you must get your things strait so you can leave and give your children the best you can be. I am very sorry that people do that mine he is sneaky luring lies all the time and hide things I see everything and I'm done with the knowledge that I found out about all his crap so I say move on is the only way out be smart not stupid like him.. Recently he divides on the phone bill with sprint that he controlled what I see and what not also he has several emails because I send him emails to the main and they did not arrive so what it tells you is that he lies again.. Love to you all
Wiser (not verified)
Re: Find out if your boyfriend or husband is cheating online

I am SOOOOO with you, sister! Good job on the info above. I hope you don't mind if I share it!

My husband started cheating with prostitutes in 2001, but I didn't find out until 2010. Fortunately, his brother discovered it in 2002 (although he didn't tell me) and my DH left a nice internet trail.

Like you, I've been super sleuth as I prepare for my divorce. If you are dealing with a sex addict (and if your husband or boyfriend is going to these hookup websites, he probably is), it helps to be aware you probably are also dealing with personality disorders and mood disorders which make it likely he will BLAME YOU no matter what evidence you have. That's okay. Understand that he isn't likely to admit, he isn't likely to apologize, and he isn't likely to change.

It's YOUR CHOICE what you're going to do about that.

In general, if you decide to leave, he will do his damnedest to make your life miserable, because that's part of his disorder. All of it comes out of his own misery, which probably has roots in damage done to him way back in his miserable childhood. In some ways, I feel sorry for my miserable spouse, but I also hold him accountable for his behavior.

I have been trying to get a divorce for nearly 3 years. He won't cooperate. He won't negotiate, and when he lost his job due to his "internet activities," he blamed me for it.

The law doesn't do much to protect us from sexually addicted bottom-meany-roonies, but we can CHOOSE to take positive actions to improve our lives.

Adam&Eve (not verified)
Re: Find out if your boyfriend or husband is cheating online

I also like to tell you it's not easy to act nothing going on playing you don't know nothing and planing for an escape plan which I started to get out of this pathetic live that he calls home. I really hate him I know he do things I never new a human would do you really don't think he is normal he has a Sadistic personality disorder and played me I recently found him going to
A site called 18andabused.com and he is 57 I think also he did something to my daughter she is 18 now I never could prove it she and I hated each other fighting she stop believing and she changed now she is save at my sisters and I try to get out no one will help you believe me you got to start planing what to do and how to get out of it he not change never he will it's a waste better go and live happy than looking behind your back all the time I think! So I started because I got no money no job my car is broken I got no home my things are in his storage my kids and I split up my animals almost all
Lost started to fill out my FASFA and go back to school for my BA with my FASFA I try to move in to home away from this abuser cheater lier broken abandoned abnormal manipulated personality he has nothing done for me then breaking apart everything I got do that he can control. So if you got money problem don't know where to go there is a way also if he hit you just get police there to get a report take report to a shelter and seek help they get you custody order divorce protect you and so much more I used to work in a shelter and I know that they back you up with a lot of protection and a new live. Please do not stay find a way out think on your kids they do not need to see all that abuse and cheating it's not a normal environment for kids or even you.
T.K.M
Adam&Eve

Anonymous Visitor (not verified)
Re: Find out if your boyfriend or husband is cheating online
If he has restored the factory settings can you still find stuff in the phone? It still has pictures and a video he downloaded on it.
Busted You (not verified)
Re: Find out if your boyfriend or husband is cheating online
Anonymous Visitor wrote:

If he has restored the factory settings can you still find stuff in the phone? It still has pictures and a video he downloaded on it.

I named myself (a different name of course lol) so you can tell it is me that is responding. I wrote the first post you replied to as well.
I am not sure I understand your question completely but I will try my best. Smile
When you say he restored the factory settings, do you mean he wiped the apps off of his phone but still has the pictures and videos? If that is the case then I would suggest going to his email and seeing the apps from there. Like I said before, you can tell if any app was installed by his google email account. Google saves it as installed even when they uninstall it from their phone.
Another suggestion would be to either email the pictures and videos to yourself or use a USB cord to connect his phone to the computer and upload the pictures and videos to the computer. If you cannot get onto his phone, take his SD card out and either put it in your phone or if you have a camera card, insert the SD card that way.
Does he have a google email you can get into? Does he have a SIM card or just an SD card?

Wiser (not verified)
Re: Find out if your boyfriend or husband is cheating online
Busted You, I am totally on the same page with you! I do my PI work as well. I posted here about other ways to "sleuth" on computers and adult accounts. YOU GO, GIRL!!!
Busted You (not verified)
Re: Find out if your boyfriend or husband is cheating online
Thank you and same to you! I need to search for your posts then! I am currently trying to get an app that I can download to my husbands phone that will log his activities. Smile Having trouble though because of the way it has to be done. He has a lock on that phone ALWAYS and I cannot crack the latest code. He is wising up. :/ I want to see if I can insert his SD card and SIM card to my phone and download it that way. Then I would have to see if it would upload automatically so that he would not know anything. I have seen a few but all of them require direct download to the phone itself. In a perfect world I would have that code! Yesterday he left his phone with my son who then dropped the phone in the stroller as I was walking into the restroom at the store to change my other sons diaper. I quickly pressed buttons to keep it on and went through it. lol He erased some texts from the night before. He spent 3 hours on that phone faithfully texting and the people he "claimed" to be texting were not on there but other stuff was. So red flags there. Also some pictures he downloaded of women. Makes me sick and so angry! So I didn't mention it to him but he tried to say a joke about him being "big" or something like that later that day. I came back with "I seen bigger" and he got upset. lol Hey I had to get my jab in someway! lol But I don't see why that would make him mad if he is living a double life! Its ok for him but not me and I am just joking! Imagine if I would cheat on him! Even though some friends and my sister say I should cheat on him, I don't. I just don't have it in me. I'm still a married woman and I'm just not like that. I wish I could though!
Wiser (not verified)
Re: Find out if your boyfriend or husband is cheating online

Start reading up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. That is likely what you're dealing with. He's not going to change. He's not going to get better.

You cannot win with a narcissist. You just have to circle your horses, protect yourself and your kids, and go to court.

Busted You (not verified)
Re: Find out if your boyfriend or husband is cheating online
I swear I have thought that for so so long! Especially in college! The funniest thing about this is he just changed his major to psychology! I laughed and told him that I cannot wait for him to get into the personality disorders. That is if he even acknowledges his issues. But I am leaving him. We have an agreement at the moment until I get a car and then its over.
Anonymous Visitor (not verified)
Re: Find out if your boyfriend or husband is cheating online

If you suspect your partner is cheating don't just sit with your head in the sand!

Check them out look for the signs and put your mind at rest

Anonymous Visitor (not verified)
My husband was cheating on Facebook
I found out that my husband was cheating online with a married woman in 2009. I found out that it started again the end of 2013. I confronted him the first time and he told me it was just "fantasy". The first time they met face to face he made it out to be a "family outing" he took me and our son with him to meet her (our son just turned 15). He spends all his time on facebook. He will stay up almost all night on there. He hardly spend anytime with our son muchless me. Of course it all boils down to being my fault. He has ALOT of pictures of women saved in his phone, he has told me that he saved them to send to me, but i have found out some of them he has sent to heron facebook im. I have found accounts that he has on pinterst that he said was stuff he had pinned ti sent to me because it said pinned "for her" and i found out that they were not for me(i didnt have a pintrest account) until i found his and then i went in and followed him and repinned some of it so he would know that i knew. I have also found a tumblr acct. I'm not good with the internet (I HAVE COME TO HATE IT!!!) I dont know where to go or how to find these different sites. I want to find out all his passwords so i can try to get into his accts. He has all kinds of security on the laptop and his phone. Can anyone help me please..... I have been so stressed out over all of this it has literally made me sick.
Anonymous Visitor (not verified)
Re: My Boyfriend Keeps Cheating Online
Hi, when I first started dating my boyfriend of almost 11 months I caught him talking to so many other girls on his phone and using apps like KIK to talk to people. There were pictures being sent and received and I was heartbroken. But being me I kept forgiving him and for the last seven or eight months I haven't caught him doing anything. Granted he lost his phone and hasn't had one so that is probably why he hasn't. But two weeks ago he went to his moms house for a week and I stayed here. She gave him a phone to use and when I found out I was scared to death. But I tried to trust him and let it go. The other day when he was sleeping I put in his code and saw it all over again. He had been texting and messaging girls on KIK and a texting app. There were also more pictures of naked girls that had been sent to him and pictures that he took and sent. I said I forgive you but now he wont put the phone down and he changed his code and Im about to freak out. HELP!!!!
Anonymous Visitor (not verified)
Re: My Boyfriend Keeps Cheating Online

Please take it from someone who's been in a relationship with her boyfriend/husband for 9 1/2 years and now has two children with him. Mine was doing the texting and calling other girls as well. It started after I got pregnant with my first daughter. But it's been a cat and mouse game ever since. I have had so much heart ache it has affected who I am as a person and ultimately is affecting my children. I kept forgiving as well or at least saying that I was forgetting but not actually forgiving down deep. I resented him for so many years. I hope he could change and I hoped he could learn Fidelity and honesty. I believe we have finally hit that mark where he is understanding the importance of honesty Fidelity and trust but it has taken nine years. I wish this kind of heart ache on no one. And when you have children in the mix it makes it so much harder to leave. You are only in a relationship for 11 months, recognize the red flags. You have confronted him a number of times and he just keeps trying to get sneak year. So unless you want to continue to play the cat and mouse game then you should probably get out before you have kids with this person. I now have all of my hisbands passwords for every account, bank account, Credit card, Facebook, code to his phone, etc because if he has nothing to hide that should not be something that I can not have. I have been trained to check messages check phone records etc. But deep down I am scared and I am miserable and I resent him. Some men quit the first time they get busted and realize that they are doing something wrong and some men continue to keep trying to be sneakier and sneakier just to get one over on you.

Over the last nine years I have lost the person that I was because I spent all of my time trying to find out if my husband is going behind my back. I have talked to 30 to 40 females on the phone trying to figure out who he was calling at all hours of the night. I feel like I have so much anger in me and resentment for him. I'm not saying that he won't change his ways but how long are you willing to spend waiting for that and are you willing to bring kids into that. It is his job to you to tell other females that he is not available. If in the beginning I was told that it was going to take nine years for him to grow up and recognize our family and not hurt me with his infidelity and it was going to take 9 yrs for him to learn to be honest and faithful and trustworthy I would've gotten out then. So if you're willing to play the cat mouse game and you have no dreams for yourself other than watching your boyfriend all the time and trying to catch him hurting you, then stay. But if you have dreams and aspirations and want to focus on other things in life that I would suggest moving on. The whole point in dating people is to see who you want to be with for the rest of your life, not making whatever comes your way just work.

Janet (not verified)
Re: My Boyfriend Keeps Cheating Online
Here is the only thing that will help: BREAK UP WITH HIM NOW! I gave you help. Now whether or not you are smart enough to help yourself is up to you. It's not that complicated.
Anonymous Visitor (not verified)
if your boyfriend is cheating online

I literally do not have much to say compared to you..except, I have Crohns, and help my mother by paying bills and support her with the house..my father never was around, and my mother is disabled and needs surgery soon..honestly, I have had to be the strong one for 18 years now, I am 32 year old..I basically had to get 2 books about lie detection in order to see through the lies..firstly, there was a study saying our part of the brain that figures out if we should trust this person or not, is shut down when we fall in love. Maybe that correct, but I know for a fact people want to believe in others, and we want to trust them..at the same time, they do not want to lie, so they give away themselves..sometimes subtly, sometimes obvious..but its all human nature. Well I realized, that my ex's, profile pictures were posted online on a dating site, and worst part was her and her friend took the pictures right next to me..and the friend acts like she is my friend, and preaches about the bible and not liking liars..well if she put my ex online or if my ex did it..either way she knew, and she did mention anything to me..if that is not a lie, that is like getting half the answer right..its still wrong..sorry no extra points for showing your work..if she doesnt want to tell me..dont set it up, or tell my ex not to because she had a good man, that did not cheat, and only could think about her morning and night..the kicker is, we all live on the same street..so it is not like this friend didnt know me, I watch her kids, and taught her boys how to throw..it is one thing to offer an opinion about how you do not think we should be, but no need to take it in your own hands..let fate take its course..

I also think the relationship I was in was emotionally abusive as I come out feeling like the bottom-meany-roonie, when she is on a dating site, not one, not two , but 3 of them! I have always believed in being honest, and I have fucked up in the worst ways as well..but the Bible says, let the blameless and the innocent be Vindicated by the Lord..so not that I do not agree with anyone's idea of taking everything from people..but then you never get to experience what the Lord would do to Vindicate you, and I am sure, it is better then anything you could..I say prove what you need, get the things you rightfully deserve, including the cheating..but do not for one moment put any monetary value, or the destruction of another above you and your well being!! I feel like you got so obsessed with these negative ideas and thoughts, that you never think about you, and your life..I say leave his ass as fast as possible, and leave it to your lawyer to get someone like a PI to prove he cheated..I say you focus on you, and positive, and the rest of your life away from that bottom-meany-roonie..do not give him one second longer of your time, for any reason..because you are better then that, and anyone who has been treated poorly, dont justify, dont sink to their level, rise above..literally, my mother went through this, and guys, and she started joking in a negative way, and one day it became who she was..a negative person, who put the only person there for her down, who she would speak bad about me and made me feel horrible and try to be better, and when I did everything she wanted..it didnt stop, so when she would need me, every time I would ask her to stop talking bad about me, and she wouldnt..it wasnt until recently that she realized that not thinking before saying or doing, can really hurt others around or near you, and when it has no grounds except you got in a bad habit..is it worth it..I had to make her realize, me, her son, who helped her still, but wasnt as much as now, the person who did not ask to be her son, suffer, and it is all okay, because she suffered growing up..Point being, imagine that negativity surrounding you, and then becoming you..until you child has that talk with you.. Dont let yourself suffer any longer, and do not let those around you suffer either..get away from this man, and then worry about ruining him..but maybe instead of focusing on negative, try to see the positive, that would be a damn awesome quality to find in a woman, not that anyone here doesnt have that quality, but when it seems like you are alone, God is carrying you, have faith that you will be Vindicated..and for people who do not have faith..honestly too bad..there is a god, I wish there was a debate, but I think they even discover the god particle..

Kellie (not verified)
My husband is on Zoosk looking for another man

I just found out last night. We've been together almost 5 years and married almost 2 of them and I was never suspicious. We have lost our intimacy, but he has ED and says the pills don't work. I became suspicious ironically because he told me I can answer his phone for him when he can't get to it in time and I happened to notice that he clears his phone history all the time. I thought that seemed fishy - like he was hiding something. So last night after he went to bed I looked under his internet history and he has been going to Zoosk every 1-4 days or so since April 2014 (the history if cleared before then). He moved in with me about 11/2012. I found out he purchased a 6 month subscription 7/2012, then a one month 11/2013, and another month 12/2013 (plus coins whatever they are for 11/2013). So he doesn't have a paid subscription now, but he did in the past. I don't know what to think. Is he secretly gay - or bisexusl - or just seeing if men would be interested in him? He was married to his ex-wife over 20 years, and his late wife for 7 year until she died, so he's been married most of his adult life.

I just don't know what to think and how to deal with this. I don't want him to know about his internet history or then he may start clearing it so I will lose that avenue to check on him. I don't know if he even contacted anyone. There's so much to think about. I'm not ready to confront him about it yet - but I will need to eventually. I wonder if he ever physically met anyone. Even if he didn't, this is very wrong.

Ironically my ex- husband wanted to friend me on facebook and I did for awhile and told my current husband. My current husband said there was no reason my ex would want to contact me unless he wanted to get together and hinted that I unfriend him, which I did. Then here my current husband is with this big secret. He's probbably looking at me across the dining room table sometimes when he's on that site. I wich I could catch him in the act!

Any suggestions/comments/thoughts?

Anonymous Visitor (not verified)
Re: My husband is on Zoosk looking for another man

I wrote a comment on this thread 07/28/2014 which you can scroll down and read.

Ladies, first thing is to start informing yourself about sexual addiction. MarriedToASexAddict.com is a terrific resource.

More than likely your husband or partner has a sexual addiction, and possibly a personality disorder at the root of it. Someone who can lie and cheat very well usually has a disorder of some type. (Read about Personality Disorders: Borderline, Narcissistic, Anti-Social...) Very few sex addicts are going to recover from the underlying personality disorder that drives the addiction, so do yourself a favor and start thinking in terms of what is best for you, not worrying about fixing him.

If you suspect your husband is cheating, chances are he is. If you have discovered something, chances is there is MORE you haven't uncovered. You do not need software to be a sleuth here. You mentioned Zoosk. There is also AdultFriendFinders, Ashley Madison and Craig's List. You can go in on these sites and do searches to find your husband. You may have to create a membership for yourself to do searches. Make sure your identity is not identifiable as you because when you click to view him, there will be a record of it and he will know you're onto him if you don't disguise yourself. Make sure you set up a separate email account for this monitoring.

It was NOT AT ALL DIFFICULT to find my husband on AdultFriendFinders. He didn't even attempt to disguise himself. I made my profile a woman I thought he would be interested in, and within HOURS of my putting up a profile (with no photo), he had contacted me, and I was able to see firsthand how he communicated with other women. It was disgusting. If you think your husband is seeking other men, create a man's profile and see whether he contacts you.

Phone records are also a great resource. I downloaded an Excel spreadsheet of his cell phone records and IDENTIFIED 16 women with whom he was communicating in a 3 month period. Of course, I couldn't read the messages, but after seeing how he was communicating online, I have a pretty good idea. I enjoyed calling some of the girlfriends and telling them to be sure and get STD testing if they were consorting with him.

For me, it was important to SEE THE TRUTH. I could not believe my husband was this sick without seeing it for myself. My husband did a great job of lying. Masterful. We saw three counselors together. They all commented - directly to him - about what a terrific liar he is. Well, I think most sex addicts are! No conscience. No empathy. Just their addiction.

Kellie (not verified)
Re: My husband is on Zoosk looking for another man
Please don't comment if you are trying to sell me something. I need emotional support or helpful suggestions - not solicitation. Don't take advantage when I'm down or that will show me what kind of person you are and I'm not interested with associating with anyone like that. Although my husband has a secret even he wouldn't kick me when I'm down.
Anonymous Visitor (not verified)
Re: My husband is on Zoosk looking for another man

I'm not trying to sell anything. I'm just sharing the resources that helped me, Kellie. I never joined MarriedToASexAddict.com. I just read the stories and commentary there. And as far as the internet dating sites, I just got free accounts so I could search and find my bottom-meany-roonie husband. I did at one point join one of the adult sites in order to access his complete profile to make a copy for my attorneys.

The phone record download was free from the mobile phone provider. I did get one FREE month of a PhoneTracer service in order to identify the numbers. As I said, I was able to get sixteen NAMES of his paramours.

Again, this was done so that I would no longer be naive and trusting. I had to know the truth so I could be sure the marriage was over and also to protect myself in the divorce.

Kellie (not verified)
Re: My husband is on Zoosk looking for another man

Ok thanks anonymous. It would help if you would put some identify such as anonymous XXX (123, 257, kim, ken, nice, mean, etc......) so I would know you are the same person. I totally understand anonymity! What's ironic is I set up his account with his mobile provider and can't remember his password. I even had his bank login saved on my computer but he obviously saved it - I never even tried to log on until now after 5 years. I found 2 of his charges in his check registered as "internet" and "99 Cent". The 99 Cent was the worst lie - definitely to hide it - not "Zoosk" either time! Never again will I be so lacadacious with passwords or secrets! Any ideas of how to look at his phone log? I'm so emotionally exhausted I can't even think right. I need to get all the tracking done I can while he's unaware I'm looking. This has been going on for 2 years and I want to find out what I can before I confront him (If I do...I can't imagine continuing in our marriage without eventually confronting him).

As far as his being a sex addict I don't know if it's true. He has quit subscribing to the service - albeit he is looking at it almost daily. There is definitely something wrong - he should not be doing this as a married man - but what is going on I don't know. I have to admit I have had porno pop up on my screen and later searched for some and got turned on somewhat. But I also remembered what someone had told me "once you see that it's hard to get out of your mind", and I didn't want it to hurt my relationship with my husband, so I never looked again. I never told my husband But who knows what's going through his head and what it means to him.. this is a terrible and difficult situation to deal with and know how to proceed!

Wiser (not verified)
Re: My husband is on Zoosk looking for another man

Sorry. I didn't bother to name myself earlier. Call me Wiser!

Also, didn't mean to upset you by using the term sexual addiction. Anyone (married or not) who can't stop accessing porn and dating sites, or has random anonymous sex is addicted to the high they get from risky behavior. That's addiction.

Usually when we discover a spouse may be cheating on the internet, especially on dating sites, we've just seen the tip of the iceberg. And it is very normal for you to feel emotionally exhausted by the first discovery of secrets, lies and betrayal. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I've been there.

You are right to do as much tracking as you can while he is unaware. (Just because you believe he has quit subscribing to the service doesn't mean he isn't using the chat capabilities.)

For information on recovering passwords from your computer and downloading cell phone records,
https://sites.google.com/site/sexualanon/divorce/investigating

Good luck to you.

Kellie (not verified)
Re: My husband is on Zoosk looking for another man
Thanks wiser. That site is really helpful! I'm going to check it out when I have more energy. I got his bank password today. He couldn't log in (because of my attempts last night lol) and ended up letting me talk with the bank to reset it as he isn't very computer literate, so I will be able to tell if he pays for any dating websites, unless the rare circumstance that he pays with a check - I don't think that's an option on those sites.
Anonymous Visitor (not verified)
Re: Find out if your boyfriend or husband is cheating online
Hi!....I googled my husband's username that he used on dating websites before our marriage and it brings up recent dates that he was on this alt.com chat site. The links just show names of people currently on, and it doesn't lead to an exact website that i can tell. Tried logging onto the alt.com with his username and doing pasdword help but it says username unknown. Really stumped....here's a pasted version of the search result. Any help?
Anonymous Visitor (not verified)
Re: Find out if your boyfriend or husband is cheating online

YES. If you are able to search the internet with his AdultFriendFinder account name, it WILL turn up the times when he is logging in to their affiliated chat sites. He can sign in to chat even if he has "hidden" his profile.

My husband hid his profile, but I have been collecting his log-ins on chat sites for over a year. I just search for his account with a particular date "USERNAME 8/11/2014", then copy and paste the search results in a Word document. (The chat log-ins are documented by a Google spider, and they seem to appear about a day after the spider picks it up and disappear in about five days.) You can't see the actual chats, but you can keep track of when he's on.

I'm collecting my information for use in my divorce.

Anonymous Visitor (not verified)
Re: Find out if your boyfriend or husband is cheating online
Hey thanks!! Just doesnt make sense because the last day he was on was saturday and we spent the whole day together. Is it the model chat thing on there? I really appreciate your help. Id like to sign up and catch him...but that doesnt seem possible
Anonymous Visitor (not verified)
I think my boyfriend is cheating with someone on Facebook
Hi my boyfriend is constantly messaging someone on Facebook when I leave the room and he doesn't bother messaging them when I'm around him I just want to know how can I find out what he is doing? It's on Facebook all this is and I'm just confused
Anonymous Visitor (not verified)
I think my boyfriend is cheating on me
I need help urgent I have a Feeling that my boyfrend is doing something like cheating I need help I don't have money for some kinda software , I'm using a blackberry and he's using a Samsung S3 .I don't get to see him that much so its hard to install some spyware ore something on his phone please help I need to know as soon as posible thank you
Anonymous Visitor (not verified)
Re: I think my boyfriend is cheating on me
It will be very difficult to get on his phone and get software installed. my wife has set up multiple profiles on various adult cheating sites. found out one time when she accidentally forgot to logout of her email and then I saw what she was up to. Not sure why I didn't leave her. she has her own phone and computer that shes is very secretive about - who knows what she's up to. Your intuition is probably good like mine is. If you have doubts about a boyfriend don't stay with them - you need to be able to fully trust someone - that means a lot. Good luck.

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