Ch-Ch-Ch-ChChanges

My mind is wandering, as usual.  I'm sitting here doing anything to avoid the job at hand.  Boring.  And tedious at the moment.  I have so much to think about.  These last few weeks have been like an experiment in self-preservation.  Between money issues and just life issues, I keep thinking- "When is it all just going to fall into place?"  Don't get me wrong.  I love life's little surprises, ironies, eccentrities.  And I'm always for the new, the interesting, the rush.  But it'd be nice to have a side of stability with all of it. 

Currently I'm thinking of change.  Started with the hair.  One morning I woke up and felt this urge to change my appearance a bit- I wasn't unhappy.  But I looked at my almost waist-length hair and thought to myself "Off with it!".  So I took a shower, got dressed, headed for the train, got to the salon, told my hair guy- "today we're cutting off my hair", and that was that.  I even made him go shorter than he wanted to.  Impulsive.  I am very much so.  I lead with my heart and hope the rest follows.  I was happy though.  Change.  It's often necessary to bring us back to where we were.  Or to get us in a better place altogether. 

Changing my zipcode and mailing address...

this is what I'm really trying for.  Why?  I wax poetic about New York all the time.  I have pride in my city and truly believe it's the greatest place ever.  I'm a New Yorker down to my all black outfits, and the funny way I say "quarter".  I love this town.  But, I need change. 

yes I could find change here.

but I need real change.  A different view.  A different lifestyle.  Different people.  Running away?  Perhaps a little.  There are things I want to get away from.  But it's an exciting thought to be somewhere new.  A thrill, an adventure.  I figure I'll come back.  Of course I'll come back.  Short of meeting and marrying the man of my dreams, I'll always come back.  I'm told it's silly.  My friends tell me to just move into another borough.  Or to move one state away or something.  That would put me in New Jersey.  No thank you.  My change has to be drastic.  I'm like a caged bird that desires to fly as far as possible.  My parents will try and deter me.  My mother especially.  I'm almost 30 years old.  I need to do this so I won't look back someday and feel regret.  I planned on moving out of state about 3 years ago.  I had done the research.  Saved up the money.  All of it. 

Love...i fell in love and all those plans flew out the window.  A thought in my head was all it became.  Some of you know how all that turned out.  Those who don't- not well.  I digress, this blog isn't about that.  (I already have like a million about all that lol).  Upsetting?  A little.  To have pandered to my romanticism and given up what I wanted.  For something that has caused me a lot of heartache.  But, it was how it was meant to be.  So, no regrets.  The best I can do now is move forward with the thoughts in my head.  Make them reality.  I'm pretty much decided about where I want to go.   It's a matter of time and effort on my behalf. 

Butterflies- lots of them.  It's a delicious sort of anticipation.  The thought of being somewhere brand new.  New life.  Nervous?  Yes.  Of course.  Alone in the great big world.  It's fine though.  It's just for a little while.  New York is a love of my life.  I'll find my way home eventually.  But I'll have all these new memories of another life. 

Melancholy takes hold...

often when I think of it.  I'll be giving up a lot.  I'll be away from my family, my friends.  A few other things that will break my heart to leave behind. Distance can erase.  My whole life will be turned upside down.  It's something I've thought long and hard about.  Not an impulse.  The idea has been ghosting in my life since I can remember.  Even as a child I wanted to explore outside this one urban existance and maybe try another.  No, I'm not moving to a farm land.  I would never make it.  This city girl has to take it one step at a time. 

So, is it worth it?  Absolutely.  This bird has already flown...

 

   

   

Comments

uhm, more like- i'd better see you show up at my new door for a visit!  it will be a blast!

 

"Lately it occurs to me- what a long, strange trip it's been..."

Loved reading this. And the place that you have chosen will be well worth it. It's always been a place that I have wanted to go also, so up and away girl, and don't be surprised if you find me on your doorstep some day for a vacation.

 

What goes around comes around..don't forget it!
 

 Ah, changes. New places with new faces. It's not running away my dear, Wonderland. You need a way to "clear" your mind, that's all. What better way then to just inhibit a brand new environment. I've done it before, and when I came back, I came back different. It was a bit refreshing to step out of my New York skin for a bit and just indulge in a semi-new culture (I use this word loosely). Sometimes,we just have to fly out of the nest so we can see the beautiful horizon ahead.

 

 

The Truth Is Out There. Trust No One! Deny Everything!

You're upsetting me....on several levels.

no i don't know anyone...it would be nice to have a friendly face around but, i'm kind of a loner anyway.  i do well alone.  i make friends pretty easily though so hopefully that won't be an issue...

i don't want to be crazy cat lady...

uhm, i've only told about 3 people where i want to go.  i don't want to jinx it i guess.  i will make an announcement once the plans are further in motion.  lol.  :)

 

"Lately it occurs to me- what a long, strange trip it's been..."

Try Chicago.

It's like a 3/4 version of New Yawk. Still a major city, but a bit friendlier. Probably a bit cleaner, and if you get the crazy urge to dabble for just a day or two in pure, cow fart (excuse me, "methane") smelling, wide open, heartland of America farm land, it's only a few hours drive away. If you go, tell me how it was, because I'm from here and I can't take that farm shet either. ;)

j/k, I've taken camping trips up there in wisconsin and southern Illinois. It's actually pretty fun for a few days.

Once you adjust the the middle-grounds, you can make the jaunt to pure vapidity and move to L.A. (j/k Pinky, don't kill me for that!) :)

Your slate is clean and you have a brand new piece of chalk.  This is exciting!  You can't help but meet the man of your dreams... he'll find you.

I don't read a lot of long blogs, but yours caught me.

I can sympathise with the whole moving thing. My wife wants to move a few states away. I don't want to be that far away from my family. But sometimes the thought of a fresh start is appealing. Like you said you want to go from one city to another city, I would be also making a fairly even trade- smaller type town to similar smaller type town.

But to do it alone? I couldn't. I would need at least one freindly face to build upon. A buddy of mine went to school for 2 years in Belguim. Didn't know anyone there, wasn't familair with the surroundings or culture or other languages, he just went. I envy that kind of impulse and self-suffieciency.

Like you said you will do, he knew he was coming home in a couple years. And he has quite a few interesting stories about spending 2 college years in Europe. So his adventure was well worth it, and I'm guessing you will make the best of yours as well.

So do you know anyone where you want to go? Where is it? You have to tell us.

i think a move is a great idea.  it allows you the opportunity to reinvent yourself.  so you mentioned you have a destination in mind?  where you headed?

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