Last night the usual suspects and I decided to paint the town red. I haven't been going out much lately, mainly because I've not felt like myself for a while. I sat in a hammock (gotta love NY) looking over at the Brooklyn bridge, glass of sparkling wine in hand, my friends surrounding me, making jokes, loving life, and I got lost in my thoughts. Happens a lot with me. I'm always off in my own world. I just thought about where I've gone. This woman is not one I recognize. And not one I'm too pleased with.

I was raised to think traditionally. I was raised to be free-spirited and to stand on my own two feet. Somewhere in this contradiction I found a happy medium. I am a woman with a good job. No. Career. I buy my own things. Pay my own bills. I am a romantic. The believe in love at first sight kind. I am of the creative type. My mind is full of words to be written. Ideas to be fufilled. I party like a rock star and I work like a maniac. I've had more ups and downs to fill a lifetime already. I lost my grandmother last year and still feel the ache. I enjoy reading, music is the world. But, lately, I am not these things. I am an outsider looking in. And am trying to find my way back.

As I sat there last night, watching the water, music filling my senses, I caught a glimpse of myself again. I realized how much I miss, well, me. As I walked through the city today, finally a beautiful day, I smiled at myself and realized I am still all those things. No one can take who I am away. I am a bad ass chick and I can stand on my own. Alone isn't bad and alone isn't what I am. I am finding the way back. And I'm going to be even better than I was before.



This is beautiful...I love moments of clarity...rock on wonderland :)

I felt the same way unfortunately for a good year. I found myself questioning what had happened to the old me and felt like life was a constant daze.  But ultimately you will find your way back and you'll be stronger than ever.

awe....making me proud!!

Tuna ><(((( '> the other white meat! I am Keeper Of The Whip!

I loved reading this, its so inspiring. I totally understand what the outside looking in is, I've been there myself, and it's not pretty, its actually kinda scary to have that feeling, it's like watching a game that you know you should be the star player of. I've missed ME myself at times too, I've felt like I was just floating around wondering what it's all about, and sometimes still do. You will find your way back, and time will be your greatest helper. I'm so glad to know that you're working your way back to being the good ole you.



What goes around comes around..don't forget it!

thats awesome.  sounds like things are getting good, i only say it like this because i love the premise of there always being something more.  glad you had a good night.  good friends are great to have.


You go girl, just do it (Nike)! I love to read what you write, it's so detailed.

-Pain is weakness leaving the body- USMC OOrah!

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