Forgive me Father for I have Tanned!

Confession time. Better get this off my chest before husband of mine (known hereafter within as HOM) discovers the tan lines. I'll at least feel a little less guilt. Um...not likely. *i can hear the tan haters now. leave your comments at the door*

'It happened in the shower with the candlestick.' That is how I envision it happening. Not really a candlestick....I just had to throw that in there. I keep thinking at some point he'll want to join me in the shower or walk in on me when I have shampoo in my hair ....he'll yell in amazement at my tan and I'll get shampoo in my eyes. Then I can 'cry' from the shampoo and he'll feel bad and it will be 'diverted!' Brilliant! Or he walks in, I reach for the body wash and scrunch and lather up tan....unnoticeable. That'll work.

I've been tanning now for 2 weeks. Tuesday-Friday. I will be done in 2 more weeks. Just a one month package is all I purchased. I know! I know! Why pay to accelerate a tan? Why pay to damage my skin? 'Tis all rather simple, really. I miss the mutha frakking sun! Like Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City said during her dry spell from men, "I just need a man to lay on me!" Well, I just need to feel the heat/warmth of the sun on me. Not so much the tanning part, because I do wear sunscreen *i know...why bother?!* but the heat, simulated sun, ultra violet bulbs...whatever you want to call them feel pretty damn good. And for 20 minutes 4 days a week, after my 2-hour morning work out.....I'm in a pretend sunshine heat status of bliss! Why not Saturday & Sunday? Because "he" is home. How would I explain that?

I've been lucky the past 2 weeks in not getting busted & spanked. After HOM and Mini leave for school & work, it is workout time for me. Then off to tan. Then home & shower. So nobody sees me. And in the evening, HOM has nightly conference calls with folks Over Seas or Europe at times. During those late calls, I get das' boot out of the office. So off I go upstairs to jump into bed with Mr. Macbook...getting my GuG on. By the time HOM finishes his call, I'm either sleeping, or dressed in PJ's. Thus....he cannot see my tan lines. And they are pretty faint. It's still early. But in 2  more weeks before I finish, they're bound to show.

Thank the gods that it is cold here *did i just say that?!* otherwise, I wouldn't be able to hide it. Awe.....he is so pale he glows right now.

Stay tuned! If this is anything like my "Never touch a man's......" it's worth a follow up blog.




See you were worried, but what you forgot to factor in was the fact that when he saw the tan you would be naked!!! How can a husband be mad at a wife when they are naked.

so here is how it went down this morning:

we decided to shower & go to town to home depot to pick up paint. him first. he's done. my turn. he's at the vanity shaving. i come in to shower. he's shaving & distracted. i peel off my skivvies, he glances through the mirror and says, 'wow, you actually look tan this morning.' i giggle. he turns his head to look at me while i take off my white t-shirt. still giggling, i say, "really? why would i look any tanner this morning vs. any other day the past week or so?"  he replies, "i don't know." at that time i have my shirt off and stepped into the shower. he say's "because you HAVE been tanning! look at you!" i am still giggling but beyond my control break out into a seriously busted laughter. he compliments and says it looks nice but quickly turns serious and says, "no is too dangerous."  i say, 'okay well i only have 2 weeks left on my month package." he says "month? good. i'll use the rest!"

need i even say that this is SO UNCHARACTERISTIC of him? 100%.


Embrace it! You're lucky! I don't tan, I burn. :(

not feeling guilty too much, if at all. it actually makes me giggle knowing that at any moment he'll see/notice it. the funny part is concealing it is such a breeze since i'm in long sleeves & jeans all of the time. i can hear him now, "oh i knew it all along. i was just waiting for you to tell me." <-- that would be typical HOM response.


Don't feel guilty hun. Most people need a little color.

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