How do you get your rewards

I don't know if you guys know or not, (I may have mentioned it a time or ten). I have been abstinent from alcohol since June 13th,2003. It had come to making the choice between drinking or breathing, and after much deliberation, I chose breathing. The thing is, I actually drank much better than I breathe. So now my gulps are of

air instead of beer. Being on the wagon has been, uhmm,...not easy,..no, definitely not easy, but less difficult than I had imagined it would be. But there are still moments,even now, almost 4 yrs. later, that I start to think, maybe...just one would be okay. So I give myself a good slap, and roust myself from that fantasy land. One of the strongest triggers are those holidays that one feels almost obligated to drink or else you wouldn't be celebrating properly, and of course, St. Paddy's Day is one of them, and I'm not even Irish!. I mean why couldn't I have green beer, and why couldn't I have Baileys Irish Cream, and why couldn't I dance the Irish jig thru the dining room and kitchen of a fine dining establishment( the key words here being fine and dining)? and why couldn't I have the mother of all hangovers... I mean it's just not fair. I should get some kind of reward or something and not a keychain, either, but something good...I dunno...somethin'. So, as i sit here suffering for all the sins of mankind, I notice my very Irish (so Irish, he thinks he's a potato) husband very tentatively feeling his way along the wall to the coffee maker. I watch as he manages to get some of the coffee in his cup, and I watch as he uses 2 hands to bring the mug to his mouth,(this is a time when 2 hands aren't enough).I watch as he finds his way to his seat. He lets out a long sigh, and for the first time, makes eye contact with me. He looks as tho it hurts to see, and I vividly remember this feeling. Like everything you looked at was an attack on the eyes. He reminds me of a sad Bassett Hound this morning,abject misery, his only companion, ya know that look I mean? I think, why's he so miserable?..he got to drink the green beer, and he got to drink Bailey's, and he got to do shots, and lift his glass to any and everything, he got his hangover. He's hurtin'. He hasn't said that. In fact, he hasn't said a word. But, he doesn't have to. I know where he's at. Eventually I go to him, giving him a hug, I rub his back and tell him I love him,(which I do), that he should go back and lie down, (which he should), and that I'm sorry he doesn't feel good. ....( and I am...well, I am, kinda).I walk away, , feeling the hint of a smile, feeling maybe a little smug. What was that I was saying about rewards?

Epilogue

Just so you don't think that I'm a heartless beeeiotch, and that I'm basking in the fact that my husband is hungover, that's not how it is......... not always, anyway. juliek "A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death"." -- Robert Benchley, American humorist

   

   

Comments

Thanks for the encouragement and the head's up on that new script. I am pretty sensitive to some drugs, but it can't hurt to try it! Nicotine is the toughest kick that I've ever experienced, which is why I go back to smoking each time.   Thanks again...juliek

I work for doctors and they keep talking about Chantix. It has some very real side affects that in your condition you may not be able to handle but from what I've heard it's the real deal in the battle against nicotine. It's prescription only. I only know one person who tried it and she had to stop after a short period cause she was allergic to one of the ingredients but she said it works so well that after just her short time on it, she hasn't smoked again. I can't rightly say I understand what you're going through cause I never smoked. However I know lots of people that struggle with it and I've told every one of them about this drug. Kudos on not drinking. Alcohol is a dangerous drug and is looked upon too lightly by mainstream America. Anyway, good luck.

"I'm just like you only shorter."

Dear Miss juliek,

I saw your reward right away. The gift of compassion and understanding to give your hubby that hug, that little back rub that said, I know you feel bad and the only words necessary at this point in time, to lay down and feel better.

I also noticed that you are able to see where you were and where you are now. That's a wonderful reward in itself. One that many people have yet to find.

And feeling that hint of a smile, that was the bonus part.

Lynn

 

If I was standing on a fish, I'd slip and fall......

You are right because what you are going through is a daily battle and struggle. For me, every pack I smoke of cigarettes is my "last." (lol, I've said that numerous times and end up buying another pack.)

Hey--hang in there julie!! I've never done that drug, but I know it is hard to kick. With you stopping drinking and you being clean for 8 years--you have done great and you can do it :) Btw, I don't get on the chat usually so you can post here on your blog to reach a good ear if you need to :)

Julie, Smoking I wish I never started. I think it's one the most addicting things ever. Though I haven't been the one for drugs and drinking is really not my thing (just makes me to sick and beer i think is nasty) but my father a smoker since he was 12 quit just recently at 44. He had a laser procedure done. He's been smoke free for about 8 months now. So proud of him. I do want to say Congrats and I'm so happy your clean and hope each day brings true joy and happiness. You never know maybe one day you will kick that habit of smoking. Normally to quit cold turkey find something to replace smoking. Hope everything works out!!

Hey Guys. First of all. thanks for the encouragement! Secondly, To everyone who is on the same wagon, please wear your seat belts, because the road is full of potholes, and you definitely get bounced around. For everyone who who's considering that the wagon might be the right way to go for them, if you're thinking like that, then you definitely should follow your instincts!

I was addicted to heroin for more years than I can believe, and I have been clean for 8 years. Believe me, that has been a tough kick...but so far , my hardest drug to get clean up from, has been nicotine! I'm sure you'll agree with me, right Pat? This is what an idiot I am...I'm supposed to be on 24 hr oxygen, I'm in right sided heart failure, and yet I continue to smoke! I'm going to be that old lady who you see smoking thru the trach that she's supposed to breathe thru! To the younger people on this site, when u make choices in your young life, choose not to smoke!! Please!! It's the best thing you'll do for yourself!

For all of us who struggle daily, we should try to hook up in chat, like once a week, or something like that. You know, it doesn't have to be long and preachy, just a hello, how goes the battle?, ya know, along those lines. If anyone's up for that, let me know when a good times is ,etc...

Once again, guys, thanks for the encouragement.Have a good night! julie

Wow! Very cool to see some people who are sober too. I had my last drink or drug about 5 1/2 months ago, and boy has life changed....for the better. Two thumbs up!

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Throw the donkey a waffle. C'mon you know you want to... No? You hate donkeys, don't you?

Congradulations juliek. Life is better sober :) I love to walk into a bar around closing time and watch all the drunk people act "silly" when I am almost the only sober one there besides the bartender. I would love to kick my cigarette addiction though :/

congrats juliek!!!! i recently(6 months ago) made the decision to stop drinking too. it's hard, but im making it. i don't usually crave the booze, cept when i see people drinking, it stirs up the old feelings. but ive found these pass in about 10 min, so thats good. keep it up :)

Those are exactly my points, you guys. I appreciate every sober minute I've had. I'm just saying, in a tongue and cheek kinda way that there are rewards to be had, even if it's delighting in not being the one with the hangover! The other thing I've learned is not to count on other people for your rewards. They come from within, right guys? julie

 

The reward for sobriety is the ability to see what a**h***s people are when they are drunk, no possibilities of being nervous at sobriety checkpoints, and waking up on Sunday morning knowing you didn't do anything the night before you can blame on booze.

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