I Miss You So Much

A million times I needed you, a million times I cried. If love alone could've saved you, you never would have left me. In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still. In my heart you hold a special place no one else will ever fill. It broke my heart to lose you, But you didn't go alone. Part of me went with you the day God took you home. You will always be in my heart and soul. I love and miss you Grandma!!

It has been 22 years since I lost you. The pain is still as fresh as the day that you left me. I remember looking at you in your final resting place, so beautiful, not a hair out of place, your make-up nicely done, A beautiful smile upon your lips. I remember leaning over and giving you one last kiss on the cheek. It was so cold on my lips, but yet so warm in my heart. It was so hard to walk away and leave you behind.

I remember you telling mom that when you go to see Grandpa, that you want to be laid to rest in a beautiful nightgown. Since you were going to sleep forever. I was so young when you told mom that, but I still remember.

I remember laying in your bed at night and you telling me all kinds of stories from your childhood. I was so fascinated by all of the things that you had done. I remember us laughing so hard that we were both crying. God we had such good times together.

I live with guilt. I did not always treat you so kindly. I was a stupid punk kid. I live with this everyday of my life. I know that you always loved me no matter what I did or said. I just thank God that I told you "I love you Grandma" as I was walking out of your hospital room. Those were the last words that I ever got to say to you. I know that you heard me, cause I swear I heard you say you loved me too. I hope to God that you knew that I loved you with all of my heart and soul. I am so sorry Grandma for being such a brat to you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me?

There isn't a day that goes by that I wish you were still here with me. I know you are with Grandpa and I know that you are in a much better place now. But I want to be selfish and I want you back here with me. I want to wrap my arms around you and never let you go.

The only good thing is I know that I will see you again and we can be together again. I love you Grandma and you are my Angel up above looking down on me. I know you are with me. I feel your presence sometimes. Just please do not ever leave me again. I need you, even if I cannot touch you.

~*~*~ Grandma Polly - August 1906 - February 1986~*~*~

   

   

Comments

OMG, This made me cry like a baby! And tears are still rolling as i write this, I just lost my grandma about 1month and half ago. It was the hardest thing ever.
I was really close to her. I was with her til the very end. The doctors had sent her home, they said they couldn't do anything for her anymore, all we could do is pray.
I drove 6 hours to Utah to see her before she passed, I was with her in her room, i didn't want to leave her side, I talked to her, sang to her, hugged her, and kissed her. Finally around 11:40 P.M. my aunt was helping her catch her breath because her tongue was getting in the way (she was heavily medicated on morphine because of the pain she had. Her heart was overgrown and pushed her organs down to her stomach.) her eyes were shut, she could hear us, but not see or talk before she passed. My aunt said, " Mi mami se nos fue TRANSLATION My mommy left us". Some of my aunts were there including my mom, then her sons came, 11 kids total. The hardest part was giving my grandpa the news she had passed, he was sleeping but said his goodbye's to her before bed because we knew she wasn't going to live through the night. He was in the room with her alone for about 45 minutes when she was still awake. We called the nurse to let her know she has passed, she came and disconnected her oxygen and the funeral home people were going to come in the morning to pick up her body. We slept with her in her room, she looked so beautiful, her head full of gray hair, she looked like a sleeping angel. I love you abuelita, you will always live in my heart.

It's always hard to loose a loved one, but they are resting in a better place now.
-THE ONE that got away......

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