Please help me mend my broken heart, and let me live again ....


I think this was taken right after we brought him home, which would have been around 10/5/03.

Taken 5/2/07 ... The little stinker won't give me a good shot of his face.

Taken 5/2/07 ... Still won't look up. ~L~

It was 3 weeks ago today (November 8th) in the early hours (1-2am) that I lost Kanika.  I came home from work and found him dead.

I scared myself that night ... I scared my other animals that night.  There were sounds ... screams and cries of utter loss ... that I have never heard come from my throat ... sounds that I never though I could even make.

I will never again hear his laugh, be splashed during his baths, have him tell me "stop it," or be graced by his various other noises & chatterings.

He was the biggest talker of the bunch.  It's been SO hard being in the house without hearing him.  I've had a hard time even going back into the bird room.

He wasn't even 6 years old yet.  He was still a baby, considering that they live to be upwards of 30 years old. 

He and I had just barely started our lives together.

I have yet another hole ripped from my heart ... my very soul.

I've cried everyday since that morning.  I've even lost it at work a few times ... thankfully I work alone and no one was there to witness it, though I think the bank cameras might have picked it up once.

Even now I weep as I type this.

About a week prior I had discovered that he had picked himself open under his wing ... a bad habit he had when his beak got too long.  (I had asked Tim several times to trim him.)  I don't know how long it had been open before I discovered it.

We don't know what happened.  He was eating just fine, and birds who are sick or have something wrong with them don't eat.  We don't know if he had some type of infection from the wound he picked ... we just don't know.  Tim is beating himself up over it.

Effectively, because of my crazily-hectic new work schedule, I neglected my bird ... my neglect and Tim's laziness killed my bird.

I'm sorry I can't do this.  My hands are starting to shake too badly for me to type, and I can't see the screen through my tears.  I'll finish the other update later ... I have to go ...

Goddess I miss my little man ...

Anyway ...

Adieu.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Fini.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Whatever.

Current Mood:        broken-hearted

Current Music:  "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart" - Michael Bublé (feat. Barry Gibb)



 Awww.. Zeev, I'm so sorry.  Pets are just like kids.. you love them so much and they bring so much joy to one's life.. You'll get through this... *hugs*




your parrot was very handsome. :)  theyre amazing creatures.  my dad had an african grey parrot for a while.  it had a huge vocabulary.



"If everybody is thinking alike then nobody is thinking"

great to hear from you zeev but i do wish it were under different circumstances. your little man was beautiful. reading your blog and hearing your love for him is touching. you'll get through this, but do not blame yourself. i get the impression you would not allow any harm to come directly to your pets if you could prohibit it.



I'm very sorry, my friend. He looked like a beautiful companion. I can't even comprehend what it would be like to lose my own feathered friend. Hang in there the best you can.


"The real revolution is the revolution of consciousness."

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