Never Touch A Man's.....

Power tools. Or grill. Yes, that's right. And I'm about 99.9% certain most of you clicked on this title just because of it. Don't worry. I felt like a dirty girl just typing it! So into my reason not to touch. Because he has requested of me many years ago, "wife, never....never touch a man's power tools."  Me, "okay husband, keep your hands off of my garlic press, egg cuber, etc." And yes, we do call each other "wife" or "husband" always. We have a mutual understanding that my place is in my home. His, providing our lifestyle. Which brings me to my need to touch the tools of the trade (funny, I have some cookware called "Tools Of The Trade") his lawn equipment.

My gardner is scheduled for tomorrow, just like clockwork. Only today, the house is quiet, empty, and I'm finding myself a little on the suffering from boredom side. I think to myself, if I go out-of-doors in the backyard, I could catch some rays and get a good workout if I tackle some yard work myself. Brainstorm. Off came the PJ's on went my camouflaged bikini. Yes, camouflaged. Not sure on my thought process there, it's not like I need to try and blend in. Must be sleep depravation thoughts. Anyway, sunscreen, water bottles, hat, shades, gardening gloves, hiking sandals, and me all head out to the back yard. I found my way into the lawn equipment building and there in all of its glory was the gas powered trimmer. Not the edger thing for lawns, but the trimmer for foliage. I have been wanting to try that out for years. But could always here husband say, "never touch a mans power tools." Well guess what, he's gone today. So I reached for it like it was a Gucci bag and out to the yard I went. What a fracken blast I had! I trimmed bushes, the hedges, the lime and lemon tree, all of the new bamboo shoots which sprout up by the dozens every week. Gone baby gone. Took 'em all out and had a blast doing it. So then I went back into his arsenal of lawn equipment and found hand shears. Love those! And they are so sharp. Trimmed and shaped the paradise bamboo palms like topiaries. They actually turned out very cool. 

When I was done, I looked around at all the work I did today. Yard looks great. Still left enough for the gardner tomorrow. Mowing. Edging, etc. But suddenly realized......it all needs raked, picked up, swept, sprayed down, and all that blew into the pool needs cleaned out. Hmm. Suddenly I'm thinking I had a really good time today, but now I actually have to work at it. And the wind is picking up. Today it is in the mid to high 80's. Needless to say, I smell like a trucker and could use a hot shower about now, and an apple martini for all of my hard work.

Now I've convinced myself I could do this. I loved getting out there and getting dirty. Why do I have a gardner? Then remembered....in about 3-4 weeks, it'll be blazing hot here. Triple-digit temperatures for the next 5.5 months. Maybe I'll just stick to my flowers in pots and keeping them watered. 

 

   

   

Comments

bummer! my gardener didn't show up monday. unusual. nor tuesday. i wasn't the least bit upset. rather, i'm thinking....cool. it is wednesday....touch-a-man's-tools round three! so i ran my errands early this morning only to come home to him standing at my gate, trying to get in. i was crushed. i must be insane. it is over 100 degrees today....but i wanted to mow myself  Yell....

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat! I am Keeper Of The Whip!

a triple chrome plated shrouded shackle. he uses that type for everything. so he purchased a case of them online last year. he's almost as anal retentive as i am.

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat! I am Keeper Of The Whip!

What kinda lock? :evil: ....

 

.·:·.·:·.·:·.·

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

 

yes. he said he doesn't want me getting hurt, especially with his travel schedule. that's okay. i'll learn something new like cleaning the pool! or  hey.......i'll pop the hood on the porsche and pretend to tinker with it. we have camera's in the garage as well. wait'll he see's that footage Surprised!

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat! I am Keeper Of The Whip!

LMAO, here take these

Be yourself...... Everyone else is taken!

 No!  He actually switched the locks?  Time to think girl.

 

If I was standing on a fish, I'd slip and fall......

hellz, im going to put myself on my own payroll! so monday was memorial day. my regularly scheduled gardener day. he too deserves a day off. so i asked him to just come out on the next regularly scheduled day (2 wks.). so tuesday i decided to roll out husband-of-mine's lawn mower. i like it because it is red. and it looks new still. and .....it only took 1-pull of the cord and i was off and mowing. i'm so beginning to like this yard work thing. when i was done, i sprayed it down, let it dry, and wheeled it back to the lawn equipment room. husband called when i went in for some iced tea. asked what i was doing. and in his words (a total husband-ism)....i quietly said, "oh i just fouled your lawn mower..but the lawn looks beautiful. and i even adjusted the wheel height to give the lawn a thick lush look!"  

of course when he came home he switched locks on the equipment room door. let me tell you...it will take a lot more than that to keep me out. i should get a sign and place on the door, "The 2na Tool Shack!"  ha. that'll teach him.

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat! I am Keeper Of The Whip!

oh damn critt.k! you are hot tonight!!! i didn't think of that.

 

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat! I am Keeper Of The Whip!

LMAO.... Hey can you send me the security surveillance footage of hubby coming home to that? 

Be yourself...... Everyone else is taken!

ah ha. brilliant! i'm going to cut one of the arborvida's into the shape of a ...rhymes with stick!

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat! I am Keeper Of The Whip!

Yup. LOL, a little sarcasm never hurt. He wants you to be the new gardener, problem solved get new hubby (well more in the lines of telling mini me, mommy might be the new gardener, but we're going to get a new daddy that lets mommy do what she wants, and appreciates her help)! In jest of course!!!!

Be yourself...... Everyone else is taken!

he can be a real stinker! he will milk this for some serious mileage. i have a feeling on mother's day he'll say, "okay honey, let's wake up early and tackle the lemon tree!"

so i'm prepared to go the distance. i bought & stashed my own flower pruning sheers this week, so i will break those bad boys out and hell hath no fury on the closest bush or shrub i get next too! now i'm thinking....wtf do i pay my gardner for.

 

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat! I am Keeper Of The Whip!

Surprised!! we are getting a new father?!

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat! I am Keeper Of The Whip!

or "estamos recibiendo un nuevo papá"

ok that might not be exact 

 

Be yourself...... Everyone else is taken!

oh yes - this one totally nails it! and i was so working my big green eyes the best i could hoping for some sort of sympathy. but i do have to tell you...this morning after we had mommy & me muffins, we're home and husband says, "take a good look at mommy....she's our new gardner. mommy can you speak spanish for mini me?!"  grrrrr Yell! and he knows i can so i rattled of a few serious explicits that he has no clue what they meant!

 

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat! I am Keeper Of The Whip!

Ok, so I'm a good week or more late on this one, but I SERIOUSLY just laughed out loud... I scared my cat. This makes the entire blog even MORE humorous than it already was! 

Be yourself...... Everyone else is taken!

lol, now thats funny,

The only stupid question is the one that remains unasked
~Niebr~

so...husband is safely home and back in the country. gave him a few days to catch up on sleep and re set his body-clock. had a great day with him the other day, shopping, lunch, dinner....back home relaxing..both chillin' on our macs. husband asks if all went well while he was gone. my reply is standard, "yes, of course. you taught me well. everything under control, incident free."

husband says, "why don't you go into the kitchen and fix us a drink." okay, at this point, i'm thinking..he knows something. do i ask...no. it'll make me look and sound guilty. so off i go...making a few cranberry drinks. still silence. head back into the office where he is awaiting me......and there is 2na in all her yard work attire glory on the 24" mac.  i was speechless! i was so careful to cover my tracks. clean the yard tools. pay the gardner extra to make sure it all looks super good, etc. and where did i go wrong?

i forgot to stop the security surveillance camera's. so needless to say, he has it all...every bit of it on tape. and i will admit, i looked pretty darn concerned at times.

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat! I am Keeper Of The Whip!

ooh no, not an expert and i do not pretend to be one. just thought it would be fun to get my hands dirty for once. my gardener did such an excellent job repairing and reshaping, he's paid well, but i also gave him several boxes of girl scout cookies! *secret pay off!!*

 

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat!

LOL.  You are not the expert on trees apparently!  Your gardner caught you!

 "what happened to tree? who do this to your tree lady?"

ahhhh.... so funny, I  could hear him saying it.

I remember pruning  2 bushes that were planted beside our driveway when my husband and I first got married.  He had built the house when he was a senior in high school and I think those bushes had been left to grow wild since then.  

So, I decided I would shape them. 

Into a heart.  lol

He comes home, looks at it and says, "What is that?"

I  think that was his way of saying he didn't want heart bushes.

 

If I was standing on a fish, I'd slip and fall......

Actually all I could think of was when I read the title was:

 

"Never touch another man's...rhubarb."

 

I perhaps watched Batman far too many times when I was younger. 

oh snap! just went outside to greet my gardner & crew, took him outback to show him my work. he asked, "what happened to tree? who do this to your tree lady?"

....Cry my play gardner days are done.

 

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat!

 Lol, I was going to post and tell you to remember to CLEAN them and put them back EXACTLY where you found them.

 It felt good to do that work, didn't it?  

 Cool. 

 

If I was standing on a fish, I'd slip and fall......

okay so today i was expecting to be sore. woke up, looked at ceiling and told myself, it will be a good hurt pain. rolled over, put my feet on the floor, headed to the alarm panel to disarm my home, and nothing. not a pain, muscle ache none. so now i'm ticked i think. surely i would  have expected at least my arms to be somewhat tender. grrr! well hell, yard looks great and i had fun nonetheless.

 

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat!

well i hope to be. then i can justify the masseuse i arranged to come over. was recommended by one of my neighbors. she freelances in her gym, so i thought, why not.

 

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat!

*blush* I played Magenta on stage just outside of NYC for about 3 years.  Yes, I ran around a movie theater every Saturday night for 3 years at midnight, in my underwear.  Good times.... 

 

"How do you know I'm mad?" asked Alice.
"You must be", said the cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here"

no way. when i was watching the vid, rhpc popped into my head. now that fricken time warp song is lingering.

 

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat!

It's from a terrible film called "Shock Treatment", a product of the same warped mind that gave us "The Rocky Horror Picture Show", Richard O'Brien.  Fun, goofy soundtrack, with a plot that is just inexcusably bad. 

 

"How do you know I'm mad?" asked Alice.
"You must be", said the cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here"

gtfo! i loved that. i am so going to show that to husband. everything stands true except the tax evasion part!

oh, and when we met, he was in college and we both worked in the auto parts industry at the time (20 yrs ago). so he quickly learned that i too can wrench a car!

 

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat!

Pages