Nothing ever goes as planned, it's a Hell of a notion...

I'm so together, I act so civilized
But every time that things go wrong, I'm still surprised

Getting there's half the fun, right?  So they say, whoever they are.  I don't get it.  There's no fun in being told that the car you rented isn't available, even though you made these arrangements 5 days in advance.  There's no fun in having to spend over $100 on something that breaks the day before you're supposed to leave for vacation.  And it's REALLY not fun when your paycheck comes a day late.  So, we were supposed to leave Saturday morning, we didn't actually leave until Wednesday morning.  Not fun.

The trip itself was awesome, albeit short.  We didn't get to visit the alpaca farms I wanted, but that's ok, we'll get to it next time.  I'd like to be able to make another trip sometime in early Autumn, finances permitting, of course.  

We were productive, though.  We got to know (and fall in love with) the area.  It's rural.  More rural than anyplace I've ever been before in my life.  My friend has to park at the top of her steep driveway in winter, and use a snowmobile and sled to bring her groceries down the hill to her house.  She needs an ATV to see all of her property, it's that big.  She has her own pond.  When I stood in her front yard, if I looked to my left, all I could see was trees.  When I looked to my right, I could see her neighbor's horse, but not his house.  I loved it.  

Neat little historical reference, if you read the Laura Ingalls Wilder books.  Pa Ingalls was born in Cuba, NY, the next town over from where we'll be.  Her first book, "Little House in the Big Woods" talks about Christmas at her grandmother's house, making maple syrup.  Dunno why I think that's so cool, but I do.

We looked at property.  Nothing serious, just to get an idea what's available, and how much things cost.  Right now, we're paying $650 for our teeny tiny attic studio.  Up there, we can rent a HOUSE on a couple of acres for around $400.  

We got home late Sunday night, and spent yesterday visiting family since we still had the rental car.  Took a trip up to see Boyfriend's sister.  It's heartbreaking, she's so sick, so weak, and so tired.  The treatment isn't working, her tumors are just getting bigger.  She looks pregnant.  The largest of them weights around 8 lbs.  It's hard to think positive and stay realistic at the same time.  She's giving up, refusing treatments.  The next step is hospice care.  It's hard to watch, hard to accept, but it's her body, her life, and her decision, and all we can do is accept it, respect it, and find our own ways to deal with it.  It's going to be a rough few weeks.



Life does go on. Not easily at first, but for now, be proud of her endurance and be strong for boyfriend. Something is happening now that is hard for anyone to understand and accept at first, if ever at all.

Some have to be the strongest, to help others get through this. You are probably that person. You'll be able to do it, because you care so much for everyone. In doing so, you'll need time yourself to cry and grieve.

My experience put my grieving to myself. And boy can I wail. But it helps to let it out, so you can help with everything that is going to have to be done in the next several weeks.

You'll have the strength and we are always here or just a message away.

I did send you a message to go with this.



If I was standing on a fish, I'd slip and fall......

Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts.  I'm dealing with it in small doses, I can't take it in all at once.  The trip, and the upcoming move give me something positive to focus on, something tangible that shows me how life goes on.   But I've been down this path a few times already, and I've come to understand it a bit, learned enough to know that nothing I can say or do will change it, all I can do is whatever I can to make the trip a little smoother for everyone.  Little things, like giving their mother the automated cat feeder so she can spend more time with her daughter, make phone calls and send emails so old friends get their chance to say good-bye, and talk Boyfriend down when he rages and wants to blow up the hospital because they can't fix his baby sister.  It's not much, but it's all there is within the realm of possible, and it helps keep me grounded in the now.

My father also has cancer.  He's been fighting prostate cancer for the past 12 years, and there have been a few times we thought it was the end, only to have him bounce back stronger than ever.  We celebrated his 60th birthday in March.  While I don't fool myself into believing that will happen with SIL,  I find a small amount of comfort in that it just might.  


"We are stardust, we are golden, we are billion year old carbon

And we've got to get ourselves back to the garden"

I'm prayimg for you and you whole family. Stay strong. 

Be yourself...... Everyone else is taken!

so i'm sitting here reading...and i have waited patiently for the update because i do care and i do wonder each day how you are getting through it. not even knowing all of the other things that went wrong, the SIL circumstance is simply enough. you write with remarkable strength and calmness. reading your blog had put me at ease in the fact that you do not appear to have lost it. this is good. you remaining pulled together will help her, and boyfriend. it may even be easier for you to grieve when the time does come...but with a bit of comfort knowing SIL is will no longer suffer. be sure to leave no words unsaid. you all will be in our prayers ladyc. hope for the best. pray for continued strength.

Tuna ><((((*> the other white meat! I am Keeper Of The Whip!

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