Pure Love

Im sure of all you have seen or read this a million times about mothers and fathers and how much they love their children. Well I just wanted everyone to know my story and how I feel today.

Since I was 14 I pretty much lost my way and ended up hanging out with the wrong kids. I was raised by a good family where no one had any drug or alcohol issues. My dad is the Asst fire chief where I live and my uncle was Asst chief of police and my two cousins are SWAT, and my Great grandfather was sheriff. I come from a family with very strict rules and very high expectations and good morals. Somehow I strayed from my family and ended up hanging around the wrong kids like I said and started using drugs. My the time I was 18 i was a full fledged drug addict but didnt know that yet until I graduated school and went into the work force.  Being the addict and alcoholic I was my first choice for a job was a stripper. I worked as a dancer until I was 23. In that short amount of time I went from just using so called non hard drugs to using moprhine everday and other various painkillers along with a half gallon of 151 on top and a case of beer. I was spending around 800 a week on my habit.  I was gone completely gone. I had a failed marriage and moved away from home(Indiana to Oklahoma) thinking it would cure my ills. I had been in and out of rehabs and Institutions for my drug problem and mental issues and nothing ever worked. My family didnt know how to deal with me because they have never seen this before in anyone they have known. They pretty much gave up on me and although they were nice to my face I knew they hated me and the things I have been doing. Fast Forward and Im 23 , Im back home in Indiana for a Christmas vacation and the first night Im back in town I get arrested for my second DUI. Im forced to move back home to Indiana and got to probation 5 days a weeks for the next 3 years. Im supposed to be on antabuse( a drug that cause an alcohol reaction when you drink) but then found out I had a form of liver disease from using and drinking so much.  Now im 25 and I havent drank since and the only pills I tak are what Im prescribed for my Fibromyalgia and for my liver. Wow what a ride! When I was 24 I found out I was pregnant, I couldnt have been more scared in my life. I felt sorry for myself and so did my family because they were scared what would happen If I started using again.  Well now here I am with the most beautiful boy and the best behaved baby that never cries and only smiles. The moral of this story is all the shit I have put myself through i think was just a test to what lies ahead. I think that if all this stuff never happened to me I wouldnt have realized what true , pure and uncondtional love is. Ive never in my life been this happy or this excited to just wake up in the morning to see this small little face smiling at me just waiting for me to feed and change him. He doesnt know whats wrong but I instantly make everything better and he loves me for that. The love I feel inside me is so strong that sometimes I cant handle it and just cry tears of joy for that once in my life everything is ok and everything is alright and that I must live another day and fight my addictions so that Im alive and well to spend the rest of my life with son and his father. I would do anything just to see my family happy. I am finally in Love with this little poopy butt, puking , cooing little wonder and Im fine with that!!!!!! I just wanted the world to know that although your life can be hard and sometimes so much you just want to run and hide that one day your day will come to where you feel pure joy instead of sadness

   

   

Comments

Best tears ever indeed! I never used to even like babies but Im like you now and love seeing babies. They are the greatest gifts you could ever recieve.

 

"If everybody is thinking alike then nobody is thinking"

Thank you hotmama99 Im glad you liked to read it. I try always to be honest and real as possible. Like Ive said before I hope that me being open will let people realize with the same problems that its ok to be different and that life goes on and things and people do change for the better and that they arent alone in their struggles.

 

"If everybody is thinking alike then nobody is thinking"

Thank you for sharing this with us.  It's very personal and I'm not sure if I could do the same.  I really did enjoy reading your blog and learned so much about your life. 

 

Your baby is gorgeous!

Take Care. 

 

 

 

I have a fetish for HOT GEEKS!

 I will never, ever, ever get tired of hearing or reading of a mother or father telling of their love for their children.  I would look at a million pictures of every baby in the world and love each picture.

 What you have written is beautiful and from your heart and your words show others that the past doesn't matter anymore.  You are living in the present and for the future and doing quite a wonderful job of it, I would say.

 I'm so sappy over babies, just looking at one will make me cry.  I love them that much.  When my grandaughter was born almost one year ago, I burst out into gigantic sobbing tears when I laid eyes on her for the first time. 

 I love that you love your baby so much and that you cry tears of joy.  They're the best tears in the world! 

Lynn 

 

 

If I was standing on a fish, I'd slip and fall......

No problem I figure that if im honest that other people will realize that is ok to make mistakes and you arent alone in your tragedies.

 

"If everybody is thinking alike then nobody is thinking"

Thanks for sharing, that was very personal...

It's a really good feeling knowing you've over come alot and came out all the better for it. I was never an addict or a dancer but I've been in similair places and I know there is no feeling like the feeling that it might one day actually be ok lol.

"True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing. And in knowing that you know nothing, that makes you the smartest of all."

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