Quit Making Me THINK!!

Alright... This started as a response to Me In Wonderlands thread... and then that response became rather lengthly... so I decided to blog it.

Me In Wonderland posted a topic asking everyone what passion of theirs drives them...

Okay... I had to think on this... because writing and music are freakish passions of mine, but... they don't drive me... Well, I guess they do, but they aren't the reason I move forward.

Besides, a LOT of people say that music and writing are their passion....... that just seemed a bit generic for me... I've yet to see how most people that say this actually use it as a means of progressing... I mean there are the few that actually go out and try to get their writing and/or music out there in the world... but unless that's your reason for waking up in the morning, the reason you get dressed, the reasonyou look forward to every day of your life... then I can't honestly believe that's their motivation for being.

But.......

I couldn't think of anything else at first. I mean, I love to write when I have the time. I love to mess with the guitar that I'm still learning, or dabble on the piano which I've played for as long as I can remember. I get chills when I hear good music (I'm not just talking about songs and lyrics because anyone can write words, this in itself is proof... I'm talking about the sound... the sound of the voice singing, the sound of the instruments playing... the overall sound of it..)

But again... that isn't my reason for doing what I do, it's just what makes my time on this planet enjoyable.

I've always been good at a lot of things. And those things that I know I'm never going to be good at, I really don't have an interest in... So I thought about all the things I'm good at and what got me there, and more importantly, why I don't really do those things anymore... It's like once I hit that point where I'm satisfied with the idea that 'I'm really good at this'... it kinda gets pushed aside and I move on to the next thing...

Did you catch that?? There it was... the thing that drives me.... right in front of your eyes... were you paying attention?

You didn't see it did you? *sigh*

Rewind: once I hit that point where I'm satisfied with the idea that 'I'm really good at this'... it kinda gets pushed aside and I move on to the next thing...

Did you see it that time??  Yep, right there... something in that sentence tells you my reason for moving forward.. I knew it was in there somewhere, but what was it exactly? Gotta read between the lines...

Why is it that once I hit a particular point, I quit and find something new?

At first I thought it was learning... I've always loved to learn new things... but I think that's a very small part of it, because I don't like learning everything... A lot of things I couldn't care less about learning about... so

I've decided that it's the success that drives me... I have a passion for success... Which explains why when I succeed at something, I move on to something else and that's it.  Now that's not to say that I'm perfect at anything... far from it... I just enjoy succeeding at things... I don't go only halfway because then I just wasted my time and failed... I work until I reach my goal... once I reach it... I find a new quest.

The flaw in this is that I'm never able to just continue doing what I was... and people don't understand that.  Just because I'm good at it, doesn't mean I like it... I liked working at becoming really good at it... it was a challenge... reached that point where it was no longer even the slightest bit of trouble, and now it's in the past... it's now boring...

I recently had a conversation with my mother within the past few months... she was telling me what I should do for the rest of my life (as usual)... this time it was designing something or other...

Let's jump back about 10 years or so... I used to be heavily into Art... I used to draw, paint, did the pastels too... even got into computer graphics some, but I was young and didn't do a whole lot with that... became pretty good and then, it was boring....

Back to that conversation with my mother... it became an argument as to why I should do this simply because I'm good at it... She didn't understand the words 'BUT I DON'T LIKE TO DO THAT'... seriously, she did not understand, because everytime I said I didn't like doing it, she would ask 'why?!'.... my response is for the same reason I don't like brocolli... I just don't. (side note: they still think for some reason I like brocolli... which goes to show how much they don't pay attention... or maybe they just believe what they want to... dunno)

In my family, the only reason to do something is because it makes a lot of money... Have I mentioned how much of a disappointment I am because I'm not going to be a doctor?? Yeah, blood makes me puke, hospitals make me faint, but I should be a doctor because they make a lot of money.  At least they finally gave up on that dream for me like 2 years ago.

Okay... so I have gotten a tad off topic... but I had a point with all of that... I'm somewhat scared of what my 'problem' will mean for me when it comes to a career... if once I hit a certain point, I don't want to do it anymore... this could be horrible for my future... I could end up one of those people that have like 20 careers...granted I'll be good at all of them... but it looks like I don't know what I want...

I recently had an old friend find me on myspace... I haven't talked to him in years... he asked me if I was still the same independent b**** I've always been... I told him a bit about what's been going on in my life since I last saw him.. and he commented on how complicated I've always made my life... never just sitting back, and can never be simple... I had to respond that I always like having something new and challenging going on...

I also recall a friend of mine from the past... she was one hell of an overachiever, always doing things that would look great on any college application... she dubbed me an 'Overachieving Underachiever'.... basically it meant that I went out of my way and did everything in my ability to do as little as possible.. which fit very well... for school... school's always been cake, and my entertainment was finding the easiest way to do the work with as little effort as possible.... but looking on my life as a whole... I don't know if that same title fits... I don't think I'm either over or under achieving...

So what does all of this mean for meeeeee?? *shrugs* I dunno really.   I think my lack of ability to focus on any one thing is why I put of school as long as I did... I think my realization that computers are always something for me to work at is why I finally went to school lol... I love my computer... and since technology is ever changing, I'm hoping *crosses fingers* that I'll remain interested in being involved with it....

If not, I'll have to come back here and kick Me In Wonderlands hiney for making me think too much... and yes... I will succeed lol...

Ramen time!

   

   

Comments

Hmm... well I was trying to avoid this part of the blog... because I hate people that sound like what I'm about to sound like...

I have high standards for myself... my goal usually includes being better at whatever it is I'm working at, than everyone else around me... I should also add that I go pretty far to find people that are really good if not great at something for me to compete with... because let's face it... If I simply worked at being a better artist than let's say... the guy sitting next to me at starbucks, or my dog... well that probably wouldn't be hard to do...

Now I'll go ahead and admit, when it comes to some things that I simply have no interest in to start with, well my standards aren't quite as high... I'll usually hit that 'good' to 'really good' point and leave... but if it interested me before I started working at it (which is usually the case) then I usually strive to hit that 'great' point...

The downside to all of this is that I'm slowly becoming jack of all trades, master of most... I repeat slowly... because I'm only 22 and haven't had ample time to learn everything in this world lol... but I've become the go-to person for everyone I know... Need something done that you're not very good at? Anime will do it!... wait, I don't remember offering? (curse of forced volunteering lol)

The upside? Well I get to have fun at other people's expense... I spend a lot of time playing dumb to people, strictly for my own entertainment... they REALLY do think that I have no idea what they're talking about... they try to explain something to me that I understand fully (and usually better)... and in my head I'm thinking 'wrong.... nope... you're an idiot'... then again that's what they get for trying to impress me with things they think I don't know...  I remember the first time I saw Mean Girls and Lindsay Lohan was playing dumb to the cute boy as he was explaining something wrong... her audible thoughts... I was like OMG THATS MEEEEE!... except I don't do it for attention... I usually do it to make people go away... because once I let them do their shpiel and I tell them that they were wrong, they usually don't want to play anymore heheheh.... *evil look* :)

Woah... got off on a tangent there... oops lol

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of all the things i've lost, i miss my mind the most

Anime, your knee-jerk reaction to my question might be to tell me to go to hell. If you do then I want you to know that this is in no way being said disrespectfully. When you talk of reaching a point when you just get bored with whatever, because you get good at it, and it's time to move on to something different, my question to you is this "how high are you setting the bar?'', are you really moving on to something different because you fear that the more difficult your goal is to attain, then the more likely you are to fail, so you move on before failure is eminent. It's kinda reminiscent of "jack-of-all trades, master of none." I'm asking this only because this was my m.o. for many years. The things I did, I did well. Good, but not great. And it was because when I got good at something and then found out that to be great required some sweat, I was outta there and on to something else. So when I read your blog, it brought visions of me treading water in many different pools. but never really learning to swim.

Hopefully, you'll find that thing that inspires greatness, and your thirst for it will be unquenchable, so when you do set the bar for your dream,it will be at the height that true success requires, and I can say,"Hey, I know that girl!"...julie

 

 

OMG family....

My mother just told me yesterday outta the blue that she wants a grandchild... I told her she better look for her dog to have puppies then lmao

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Quote:

Back to that conversation with my mother... it became an argument as to why I should do this simply because I'm good at it... She didn't understand the words 'BUT I DON'T LIKE TO DO THAT'... seriously, she did not understand, because everytime I said I didn't like doing it, she would ask 'why?!'.... my response is for the same reason I don't like brocolli... I just don't. (side note: they still think for some reason I like brocolli... which goes to show how much they don't pay attention... or maybe they just believe what they want to... dunno)

 

I think our parents generation come from a time when a job was a job, and you didn't think much about what it is you'll be doing for life, so long as you're doing something to provide for your family, which you shold have no later than 25.  My parents used to tell me that I should get a city job, and I'm not saying thats a bad thing, but I didn't want to be a garbageman or even a cop, I wanted to do something I chose to do and have somewhat of a passion for. I think we have a lot more opportunity, for a number of reasons, to achieve that than our parent's generation did. People go though career changes now, women don't have kids till well into their 30's and there are a lot more technical jobs around than 30 years ago or more. There is also a lot more of the 'me' factor today than in those days, and I think thats something they have a bit of a hard time understanding. They had to grow up faster than we do, and they were expected to hold to certain social norms, like starting a family while still quite young, where we dont really have that pressure as a society anymore. I would encourage anyone that find something they like and if it's within reason, go for it with everything you have and try to make a living out of it.

I dont think they're bitter though, I'm sure all parents are glad for the education opportunities that they didn't get that we do, its just part of passing the batton of life to the next generation. I just hope that when I'm part of the old guard that I'm still as positive about it as I am now.

 

 

Haha. Sounds like Georgia at times.

---The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had---

Lol... well I'm not a Texas Native... so all I have are bagels, hotpockets, and ramen lol

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everybody in texas has veggies! yes. add the peas.

Tuna ><(((( '> the other white meat! I am Keeper Of The Whip!

You seem to think I have vegetables??

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LOL trin so you hit it then quit it!  funny!  Just a stab in the dark; i think your searching for that not so easy to conquer/master challenge.  as always.. a great read.  tight, quick, focused and on point.  thanks. ;)

Oh, I by no means am saying that people who claim it as they're driving force/passion are full of it... I'm just saying that sometimes it's such an insta-response from people that dabble in it as a hobby, that you know some of them just like to think that it is... or maybe it just sounds cool and they've never written anything they weren't told to... my main point with it, is that as much as I love it, it's not what drives me forward in my life currently.  Maybe someday.... just not now...

And if your writing is your true passion, than go for it... there aren't enough great writers out there.. even if you end up only writing for you... if that's the reason you get up, then more power to you!

Seriously though... I need to step away from the computer and make my ramen... lol... I keep responding to things... this glowing screen is addicting.

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I agree anime with the whole 'generic' comment.  My passions in life do drive me.  That's why I have a few of my writings published.  I can't go a day without writing something new.  I'm the kind that if you come over to my desk, I'll have a file open and sheet of paper with random words on it on the side.  I'm always coming up with something new.  Music has just been an essential part of my life.  Never a day without music in my house as I was growing up or even now.  And it inspires me to write.  And to just enjoy life even more so than I do.  But like you, I feel like I don't think I focus on it how I should.  Life distracts me.  Paying bills.  All that good stuff.  But I'll do it.  I know I will because being able to write for a living is my goal.  So, good luck to you.  And good luck to me.  Enjoy the Ramen!

 

"I'm just trying to find a decent melody...song that I can sing in my own company."

add some frozen peas to the ramen. it rocks! plus i cools down the broth.

Tuna ><(((( '> the other white meat! I am Keeper Of The Whip!

Wow.... Trinity, thats deep. My parents never forced me into a job choice.... Never even gave me ideas. I would like to add that without writing, I might have gone insane a long time ago... Or put myself in the hospital. It really is part of my life.

---The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had---

[quote]Back to that conversation with my mother... it became an argument as to why I should do this simply because I'm good at it... She didn't understand the words 'BUT I DON'T LIKE TO DO THAT'... seriously, she did not understand, because everytime I said I didn't like doing it, she would ask 'why?!'.... my response is for the same reason I don't like brocolli... I just don't. (side note: they still think for some reason I like brocolli... which goes to show how much they don't pay attention... or maybe they just believe what they want to... dunno)[/quote]

 

My family constantly tells me I should be a teacher, for various reasons. No matter how often I tell them I HATE KIDS they still bring it up at least twice a year and its a full blown war in my family every single time it gets brought up. I feel your pain. Its OUR life, let US live it. And if we change our mind 10 times- let us!

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