Reconcile

Well Since I was 14 I had this friend name Nicque. Over the past 12 years we became best friends. We did everything together you can imagine. I always thought this girl would be there for me through good and bad but I was wronged. When I got my second DUI and quit drinking and quit all my substance abuse the first year was horrific. I was struggling to stay clean and it didnt help that my so called best friend pretty much ragged on me all the time that I was a loser. She would get mad at me because I never wanted to go out to bars and clubs and that I would stay home a lot. It really hurt my feeling that the person who was supossed to support me through everything was calling me lame and a loser because I didnt want to go out to bars. Im sorry but the last darn thing you want to do when you are trying to come clean is be in an effing bar.  It also didnt help that we both got pregnant at the same time. I found out on christmas even and she found out on christmas. This was her second and my first. Our kids due date were a day apart. I thought this would make us closer but little did I know it was about to test us then eventually our friendship would fall apart. Well since I can remember my friend had been always competing with me. She would always try to get all these guys because she felt insecure and thought I would always steal me from her. I cant help who the men were attracted too but even if I thought they were cute I wouldnt even date them for respect of my friend. She also would brag about all the things her parents would buy for her and rub it in all the time. We both have family who are good off but I would never brag about anything. I would say mom and I went shopping and got this and this. She would say mom bought me a 500$ rocker and a spent a 1000 on the babies room. What erked me was that this co called rocker had to be put together ! No rocker costs 500 that you have to put together! She only said it because my mom got me one that was nice and oak that she got form a furniture store, I never said that but it was. So you all getting my drift here (rolls eyes) . Anyways this went on and on then one day it hit the fan. She came to a concert(show) that my boyfriend was playing at and right across the road was the liquor store.  She said let go so i can get shaun(her fiance) something I said ok and went. We were both about 6 months prego at that time. When we get in there she gets him his fave beer and a bottle of wine which Ive known she has drank for years. I said when did he start drinking that she said hes not its for me. I was LIVID!!!!!!! This wasnt the first time she had drank since she was prego either oh and needless to say she still smoke pot the whole time. I couldnt handle it! What really got me going is she was mad because her brothers wedding was the next summer and she was mad that she couldnt smoke weed on the way down to the wedding which was going to be in myrtle beach (we live in Indiana) because she would have the baby with them!!!!!!!!! I was so mad I didnt say anything! She called the next day i answered and said I have to go im busy and kept that going on for the next month then eventually she stopped calling. So she asked or friend jenni what was up and she said Kristi is mad at you for  this and this ( what Ive explained)  and etc. Well she gave up calling and we hadnt spoke for months. About a 2 months ago she had messaged me and said a bunch of crap that she couldnt believe I was acting this way and ect. So this went on back and forth fighting for about 3 days then we stopped emailing. Well today I get another email from her saying she was sorry and that she crossed the line and she missed me and wants to see the baby and all kinds of stuff. So I gave in and called her. We didnt fight all we did was cath up on stuff like nothing ever happened.

Now Im thinking to myself should I give her another chance? She has lied to me about things so many times and we fought and I always forgave her. I dont know if I should even go on with her. I always explained our relationship to people like this.

She is the boyfriend that beat you up over and over and you always go back to because of all the memories you have and the good times you have had. He promises over and over to change and it lasts for a couple months then hes beating you up again. So thats what its like with her. I feel like the abused girlfriend who keeps going back because I dont know who to go to or what to do.. Im so confusedCry

   

   

Comments

How are things? I hope it all is working out well for you.

 

Take care

 

 

 Hey Downgirl,

I can truely sympathize for you.  I'm in a similar postion, like you are with your friend.

I can understand how very difficult this situation can be.  It's almost as if you acknowledge all the pain and hurt, she put you through, yet you're still willing to put all that behind you, and let her back in your life.  Like you can't turn your back on her.  I feel you and completely understand.

In the end, you are the only one that will be living with this...should you let her back in your life?  or should you just keep going and not turn back?  I personally think, that you should look at your life now, and see if she will be adding to good to your life?  will she be there for you too, and not just you for her?  do you think all she wants is to really be your friend, or just someone for her to put down?  I think you need to really have to put everything into consideration.  Both of you are NOT just cute little teenagers, you're both parents.  Will this person be a positive or a negative in your life.

No one will know how to decide this, except you.  You are the only one that walks in your shoes. 

Take peoples advice, but make your own decision.

Take Good Care. 

 

I have a fetish for HOT GEEKS!

ive never been an addict. but if you hang around with her it is likely you could one day relapse. (maybe)

yes, heatherkincaid nailed it:   The best we can do is be there to give them a hand when they reach theirs out to us.

 

Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it… it says "Chicken of the Sea".

As a recovering addict you know that no one can make you stop, the best we can do is be there to give them a hand when they reach theirs out to us. It is very sad to see someone you love so much hurting themselves, I know, I have been where you are. All you can hope for is that she will see the strong courageous person you are now and the competitive streak in her will flash again, only this time she will be want to be an incredible mother like you.

 

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. - Erica Jong

The hard part of it is that we met when neither of us were using. Im actually the one who got her start and in a way I feel like I owe her something because I was the bad influence. You are right I do know what its like to have friends Ive used with and then they have diappeared on me. I just hope that maybe one day I can also influence her to quit too. 

 

"If everybody is thinking alike then nobody is thinking"

that was perfectly said.

Hey downgirl,

The hard cold reality is (and you probably know this already) but the friends you had when you were using, are unlikely to remain the friends you will go through life with. Aside from the "issues" the fact that she's still drinking and drugging just does not make her a good choice for an intimate relationship. Stay in contact if you want, from a distance, but if I were you I would seriously reconsider letting her back into your life on any permanent level. You've moved on and are making a better future for you and your child-she isn't. 

for me, a true friend (my bff) is not someone i can live with. but, she's someone i can't live without! 

unconditional love. like a child. like a puppy.  

hope that helps.

 

Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it… it says "Chicken of the Sea".

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