Wedding Bell Blues

 

A lot has changed since the last blog I wrote about the wedding. We set the date. It is a few days before Christmas, and decided to do it a little closer so that we could have a small group of family with us. We will be getting married on a cruise of the SF Bay. My Grandmother will be performing the ceremony, which is a dream come true.
 
I just got the job I have been working for three years (actually a better job than I thought I would get), I am moving into an amazing (and brand new) townhouse, and I am getting married to someone I truly love. And I lost 6 pounds.  I should be happy right.
 
Enter the psycho ex. She was living with, but broken up with my fiancé when we started dating. He lived at the apartment for the first 7 months of our relationship. She made it really hard on us. She thought that his “cheating” was just a phase and they would get back together. Well, he was dating 4 girls before me and you knew about them, and his sister says you knew you were broken up. He rarely was at the apartment, but when he was she would argue and fight, throw things, she kicked his car door in, and broke his stuff. She would call me all the time (took my number out of his phone) to let me know how hard I made her life. Well stop using meth and life gets better (actually when she stopped using she gained 200 pounds so I feel bad for her).
 
When he moved out things got better, then I got a myspace page, she stalked and contacted my family to let them know how I ruined her life. He made it impossible to contact him. I changed my myspace account and tried to hide but she found me and checks in on me daily. Who cares right? Let her look. Well two years later and she really has to tell him something so we give her his email. Nothing important, she is quiet for awhile and he gets this…
 
i really dont mean to bother you. i know your life has changed and i understand that real love might actually be included in that. and i dont hate you for that. i just feel an ovewhelming, sufficient feeling of jealously right now. a feeling i really do not want to feel. its not that i dont feel that you deserve happiness, its just that i feel that i deserve it more. my heart has ALWAYS been faithful, true, and pure for the ones i have been with, despite the circumstances involved. you, the untruthful, despiteful, and unpure is the one who is in a truely meaniful relationship. im a nurse now, so believe in your heart that i want the best for everyone. but remeber...the day my dad died, you called and asked if i wanted you there, and i really wanted you there by my side more than anything in the world but my nurse intinct came into play faster than i ever expected and overwhelmed me... when talking to you all i could think about was you and your feelings of the death of your father, than of my father who was dead when i arrived. ive always been a giver, even before i became a nurse and the after affects of that are just now beginning to affect me. i dont hate you for being happy. i hate myself for not being happy. i just find it so hard to believe that despite the ****** i knew that another ******** exsists. this is the first time in your life that you have given (truely given, w/o having an alternative motive or cheating on another) and i just fiind it so hard to believe. is this the real you or are  you just like any other creature and just adapting to your surroundings. im not sure which i want to believe... in the horrible, lying ****** that i knew so well or this new adaption of ****** that i once knew. i hope it is the later but then again i hope you emerge the same ******** that i once knew. cause you are going to marry a woman you told me was 'homely' and 'inbreed' and that you only had her around for money about a year ago. i hope you really have changed. after all this bull-pucky-rooney-toot-tooty i have been writiing, i want to let you know that i do NOT want you back. but if you have a love that is avsolutely 100% pure, i dont think you deserve it over me. but ive decided that unfortunately, jealousy speaks very loudly. so, sorry about this message... you dont need to respond... ive been drinking... i just want what you have and i think i deserve it more than you.
 
 
What the heck!!!!?? I am sure you can guess which part bothers me. the most ....Homely. Inbreed. Well they weren’t speaking last year so I know that was a lie, but I am pretty sure she just has her timeline mixed up. Plus I just recently started making good money so I don’t get that, I had to sign a waiver at my job last year saying I understood I was earning a wage that put me "below the peverty level". He admitted he said a lot of bad things about me when we first started dating to her to keep her happy when they lived together so she would leave him alone about it and so she wouldn’t contact me. He also said he doesn’t know why he would use those terms. I might be “homely” (I really didn’t want to feel ugly when I go to try on dresses) but my family is completely normal. A bit annoying but normal, and not hillbillyish or anything. His family is more white trashy than mine! He says he never felt those things, but knowing he said them to an ex….
 
I can’t even look at/talk to him. I cry whenever I think about walking down the aisle in my wedding dress on the day I am supposed to feel the most beautiful and looking into the face of a man who would say those things about me, two years ago or not!
 
I don’t want to leave him for this. Two years of happiness does account for something. I guess I can forgive a comment he made before we were even serious. I just don’t want these feelings to surround my wedding day. If we call off the wedding now I feel like we have to break up, so I am stuck. I don’t know what to do, except of course block the psycho. And the clock is ticking.

   

   

Comments

Thank you ladies. It was nice to be bale to talk to someone about this. I really don't want to get my family and freinds involved in something like this before the wedding. You made me feel a lot better.

when i first started dating my now ex, his ex would write me all these messages, saying that they were still hanging out etc...they did because they shared all the same friends and ended up at the same places.  he didn't go hang out with her specifically.  still, i let her get to me.  and it made me angry because at first i felt bad for her but, after she started bothering me, i was only irritated by her.  which caused me to argue with him.  she became a huge issue between us and i wish it hadn't been so.  in the end, cry as she might to him about how much she loved him, he never wavered in his feelings for me and it was me he loved.  me he's still in love with.  that is my victory over her for making my life so chaotic.  i may no longer be with him but he really turned his entire life upside down in order to leave her to be with me.

so this is my point to you- don't let what some spiteful ex says ruin what you have built with someone you love.  it's not worth it and you will regret it later.  now, if you think you can't forgive him for what he said, that's one thing.  but, if you can, then focus on that.  and focus on the two of you.  and forget that she, or anyone else exists.  a couple should be just that- a. couple.  two people and no one else.  good luck hon.

 

"Lately it occurs to me- what a long, strange trip it's been..."

 Wow. All I can say to you is dont ever let a spiteful ex into your mind. Their only target is your misery. Find your thick skin and trust in your love, trust him and admire the strength and maturity to say nice try but it will take alot more than that to break me

 

As far as the words exchanged .. 'eh, whatever.. set the ground rules now that no "weapon" she may think she has will ever be enough to crumble what you have spent 2 years building

 

Finally, make it a must that no further communications following this one will be considered. The delete button is your best friend :) 

    

 

~ Proud supporter of Father's rights ~

Add new comment