You know you'll only hurt yourself out of spite. I guess you'd rather be a martyr tonight.

Some people find that it's easier to hate than to wait anymore..

I know exactly what you're doing.  I did it myself for most of my life, because you taught me how.  Well, not exactly, being Bipolar, a lot of it's simply inborn, but you taught me how to respond to it.  React.  Overreact.  Retreat.  Later, rinse, repeat.  The thing is, I realized a long time ago that it's unhealthy, it felt like I was spending my life beating my head against the same wall, over and over and over again.  I sought help.  I went through the hell that is finding the right medication, something that works without debilitating side effects.  I went through the torture of counseling, part of which involves admitting your faults, your weak points, and learning how to better control them.  I'm by no means perfect, I acknowledge I'll never have it fully under control, it's bigger than me, it's part of me, but I will no longer permit it to be me.  When your cruel words cause a flash of red to take over my vision, I will summon every ounce of energy I can muster, and I will ignore it.  I will remain calm, and still speak to you respectfully, even when you are incapable of returning that courtesy.  I will not resort to name calling and vicious accusations.  I will not twist your words, I will accept them at face value, and not read into them.  I offered my help, you rejected it, several times over.  You can't be angry with me now for not being there.  You can either start accepting help, not just from me, but from the numerous other people offering, or you can continue to play martyr, and cry woe is me over having to do it all yourself when the truth is, you don't.  Let me know when you decide.

 

/end rant.  Just needed to get that off my chest.

   

   

Comments

Family is the hardest thing to deal with. No matter what you do or where you go, theyre always there. And somehow or another we all find ways to 'handle' them, whatever the case may be. I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for you all now as you watch and wait. rant away!

 

"Who is this irresistible creature who has an insatiable love for the dead? Living Dead Girl"

You are so good at expressing your feelings. That is something I long to do.

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