juliek's blog

Courage or Fear

Courage or fear? Strength or weakness? The difficult decision or the easy way out? Am I angry or am I saddened? These questions and many more have been spinning through my mind for the past week or so .

My brother, Bill...no, let me correct that..My big brother Bill, made his transition to the other side last Sunday. He had been so sick for so many years, that it actually made one ache to watch him move. He was diagnosed with HepC in his early 50s, and it was thought that he had been infected for 30 years. When he was a very young man, maybe 15 or so, he had started his collection of tattoo art, and we know now that the care and cleanliness of the needles was pretty much non existent so many years go. And there came his introduction to the virus.

i'm sick and tired,but here i stand

i think that the majority of you know that i have been seriously ill for some time...i mean, a long time...i mean, it feels like forever. now don't get me wrong here, i prefer this to the alternative, and i don't mean to whine and fuss like a two year old, but four years is a long time.

i went into the hospital on July 21 and i came home on August 5. that's a long time to be in the hospital. i was admitted with 105 degree temp, and altho, in the past year i have been admitted about eight times, this was the time that i thought i wasn't coming home. i truly believed that i would die there and i prayed and begged to every saint and entity that i could think of. i realized that even if 4 years is a long time and even if 2 weeks in the hospital is a long time, neither is as long as the eternity i could be spending.

This is one place where abstinence doesn't make any sense

I haven't been logged on in a while and please excuse my ignorance to any of the recent events here at GuG. You all know how wild and crazy we can get here at the Geek. And tho I fool about this site, I got to tell you, abstinence from theGuG, not only brings about psychological withdrawal; it also produces physical symptoms, as well.

I have been hospitalized from March 27th until

How do you get your rewards

I don't know if you guys know or not, (I may have mentioned it a time or ten). I have been abstinent from alcohol since June 13th,2003. It had come to making the choice between drinking or breathing, and after much deliberation, I chose breathing. The thing is, I actually drank much better than I breathe. So now my gulps are of

if only I had practiced what I preached...

I like to think of myself as a pretty intuitive person, and I often feel as though I have a fairly accurate feel for someone,even if after just a few minutes of conversing.
Let's just say, intuitive or not, there are definite disadvantages in trying to "counsel" , or should I say... save, someone who is a family member, or even someone close to your heart and I only say this through,tortuous, mind numbing, exhausting experience. This, of course, is obvious to me now, and had been obvious to me before, and when I had been asked a seemingly eternity ago, I said that it's a no brainer, and that you just cannot "save" your own. You cannot demonstrate objectivity in a personal world because there is none. But ,if only I had practiced what I preached...

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