Coffee Makes the World Go Round – Abandonment Was Never an Option (Part 2)

Here’s the second part of my recent Coffee consumption related post. If you haven’t read the previous entry yet, don’t insult me by reading this post. I’d rather have you read the last post, and then continue onwards in a sequence.

CoffeeAnyway, let’s cut to the fun part – the withdrawal part when the doctor or some kind of osteoporosis experts breaks it down in the simplest, but an equally sinister, statement: “Son, I think you need to cut down on Halle Berry consumption because it is leaving your bones high and dry literally. Surrender now or hold your bones in pieces forever!

You know what? The doctor is right. He has a point and let me tell you what happens when you drink too much coffee.

Core Side Effect of Coffee Consumption:

Technically, what coffee does is that it dries up the bones at molecular level. Caffeine has Anti-Calcium properties. While it does turn on your receptors and gives you an adrenaline boost, it is also making your bones weak. How do I know that? Recently, I started feeling this aching pain in both my forearm bones.

This pain is like shin splints, the one you get after running for days. The reason it’s happening to my arms is that besides being a writer, I’m also a Gym buff. I work out for two scrutinizing hours each day. “Like” wouldn’t be the appropriate word here, as I LOVE the feeling which a cup of coffee gives me before my workout initiates.

However, after 2 years of non stop caffeine intake, except for Fridays (because I don’t go to gym on Friday), my forearms have begun to deteriorate and it’s an embarrassment when I can’t hit the dumbbells or a bicep curl rod beyond 60 Lbs.  

The bones are weakening, which is leading to a case of tendonitis. Therefore, I have cut down on my coffee intake. I don’t drink it 24/7 or before my ginormous writing gigs these days. I just take one cup a day and that’s all. 

Withdrawal Phase Is a She-beeeiotch:

Here’s what happens when you try to withdraw. Every single drug out there in the industry has a withdrawal phase. No one likes it, and no one will. Therefore, in my opinion and as per my personal experiences, caffeine withdrawal is not easy.

Caffeine being the legal and the cheapest “drug”, in comparison with Crystal Meth, has the potency of driving people crazy. Take a look at what happened to me:

  • Withdrawal week started with a fine Monday morning. I was still flying in high colors, probably from my last serving of Cappuccino – it wasn’t meant to last long though. The songs, the happy hours and the music started to fade away.
  • Second day felt weird. I didn’t have the energy to do anything. Maybe I did have the energy but I didn’t feel motivated or boosted. Sorry Randy, this is why I was kind of going online/ offline on you because there was no Java in my anymore.  Writing sucked and so did the whole world.
  • Day 3 – No shower, same sweaty black t-shirt, messed up bed and endless hours of staring at the neighbors below. On multiple occasions, if I were to mouth their moving lips correctly, I’m sure they looked up at my apartment window and said, “Hey honey, did you notice that creep staring down at us? Let’s get outta here”.
  • Day 4 – Sobbing throughout 8 hours of Star Trek marathon. Sobbing again afterwards, after realizing that I was watching Star Trek… somebody kill me please
  • Day 5 was kind of stuffy in my apartment. The kind of stuffy that resembles ‘someone-farted-in-the-air conditioned-office-cubicle-during-a-2-hour-meeting’ situation. Was it bad at this point for me? Yes, it was and I began to contemplate the meaning of my existence. Life started to appear bleak. If I ordered something at a restaurant during these days, I’m sure it would have been something like this: “Yes, dear. Give me today’s special, with a side of Zzzzzzzzzz ZzzzZzz…..
  • The 6th day was worse because I couldn’t even workout at the gym. I just bicycled my way around my gym mates and heard them talking about their girlfriends and the best bang of their lives. The funny thing is that it either sounded like they had a squeaky helium gas voice.

Finally, it is now on the 7th day that I finally came back to drinking the ambrosial liquid again. You can say that I don’t have a strong will but after such a long time of consumption, maybe withdrawal or a mere withdrawal attempt wasn’t in the cards for me. The same concept applies to all of you readers, the ones who drink coffee non stop, and eating a doughnut alongside.

Now speaking of doughnuts and coffee, don’t you remember what the cool RJ’s in ‘Grand Theft Auto – Vice City’ had to say? “I like to munch it, lick it and then Shtick my tongue in the middle”. Oooooh that sounds like a lot of things one can do with a scrumptious doughnut, doesn’t it? It also sounds like bestowing your carnal desires unto something but c’mon’ it’s just a doughnut guys – nothing else. Move on now.

In Boulder, there are more coffee and Wi-Fi shops than anything else. You walk in there and turn on your Wi-Fi detectors to check in on all kinds of connection options. Smartphones, iPads and coffee lovers are always going to be there as long as we’ve got the machines and brewing skills on our side.

A Word of Advice to Online Entrepreneurs, Freelance Workers and Independent Writers:

People, who work online, normally drink something to help them throughout an entire night. I’m talking about serious hardcore writers and freelance programmer, who really want to stay awake – just to achieve a dream, or to make enough money to support a family. If you’re drinking coffee; cut down a little, pal. It’ll take a few months for you to get XXL sized, grumpy and greasy. Your efficiency levels will plummet, hence urging you to drink more. What you need is a good timetable, and a maximum of two cups of mild strength coffee; nothing else.




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