When waters run wild, there is a deep calm within me The whispers of promise and hope reach its depths However the sound is as deafening as it can ever be So many goals are not reached just yet
My soul is old but rejuvenated My spirit is young but wise Many times I've won but feel defeated And now I see through open eyes
Though I want him His love is not needed Though I love him Without him I succeeded
I am the Oasis he searches for I am the butterfly that flies free Catching me is worth so much more Trapped is something I can never be
The Truth Is Out There. Trust No One! Deny Everything!
Its always good when we have our eyes opened and realize that we CAN fly free and don't need certain people in our lives... And I think you expressed that really well.
---The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had---
Here is a poem I wrote a few years back for my baby brother when he turned 30. It probably wont mean a whole lot to those who dont share the memories but, it does give you an idea as to why our mother was completely grey by 40 .....
My Little Brother
Not a playmate to share my days in Long Beach I prayed for a sister or brother, Lord Please?
Our mom’s belly grew bigger day by day You were born on the 23rd of May
Blessed by a gift that God gave to me A baby brother to play with when I was just 3
I pushed you around in a brown cardboard box I caught from YOU the chicken pox
I dressed you up in makeup and heels Out on the pier, catching fish on reels
Vacation trips, And all that goes along Rice patties, dubbing, and that stupid camp song
You and I were inseparable Those long summer days When in the dirt fort Your leg went up in a blaze
The empty lot you burnt down At the neighbors two times And the car washes and mowed lawns To help pay the fines
Summers spent with Timmy and Georgie Mom misunderstanding what you said… What? An Orgy?
Hiding on rooftops, in green camouflage Setting fire again to that neighbors garage
Walking 2 days on a broken heel Only going home for an afternoon meal
Climbing on treetops And exploring the ditches And who could forget all those stitches?
Searching for treasures With our “map of hidden riches” We were pirates, and soldiers while walking in trenches
Secret passages and magic tricks Is your GI Joe still behind those bricks?
Playing up in our attic at the condo in winter Paper flowers and airplanes, my GIGANTIC splinter
I am sure that the police somewhere were involved When the discovery of our attic one day had evolved
A frightening scene I am sure it will be To some unsuspecting new tenant... he he
Bike jumps on ramps, dirt and rubble Always, Always in some kind of trouble
Because of my brother I broke a few bones But, never a day was I all alone!
We never did fight too much that I recall? Yelling “good night” brother to you down our hall
You stood up for me when any teasing would start The little gifts you gave me came straight from your heart
Some things I remember with a smile on my face Transformers and slaystacks, frootloops on school days
Some movies that are still in my head Again and again we’d watch what they said
Examples of such are Princess Bride, and RAD Embarrassed we watched those? – Ya, they were really bad
Let’s not forget the greats- “All the rave” The unforgettable American Fav: Star Wars, ET and “To the Bat cave”
Music of course had its own special way Over and over did some songs you’d play
Axle Rose and his Sweet Child O’ Mine You made fun of me I though Boy George was “sooooo fine”
Pop rocks, and glow sticks And innocent crushes, Suicide slurpees and freezer burn rushes
Wax paper was always a flowing When at the 50 cent park we were going
A dollar would buy us a 3 hour span The church pool in August is where we ran Until of course, the day we were banned
We did grow apart a little with age As I entered my “teenage” stage
You didn’t mind nor took any harm Remember? Just the two of us at Knott’s Berry Farm?
I have memories of you in a tux and tie A growing man of seventeen, school days all gone bye
Then it happened one day you became a father With the arrival of a red-headed daughter
Child upon child growing a big family Mom and Dad, grandparents to 7 Between you and me
Then who would have known that the day would arrive Walking down the aisle was your beautiful bride
I watched as her dad gave her away Into the arms of my brother a lifetime to stay
How proud to witness this love be united Now, my little brother is a husband- I was truly excited
I love my brother …My playmate of youth Roller coasters, tents and unbridled truth
Today is the day that you turn thirty Your birthday cake, OH, how it torches so pretty J
A husband to Kim, And a Daddy of 3 But even so, you’re STILL a little brother to me.
Every night and day I tell my heart to forget you and not to break anymore.I used to believe that I could go on and find someone. I found there was no other.
Every night I look to the sky and there you are framed against the sky line .You are my life and I pray for when you will be mine t o love again.
I see the rain in the sky and I see your face through every tear that I cry. With every breath and every sound I hear another voice and swear that you're around.
So I said I'd probably not post another thing but the irony of posting this on a web site made me not be able to help myself. Lol. If I'm any good at words you guys may be able to see what I mean. (But, I don't think I'm great so it may just sound like rambling. Haha)
Only devil eyes, ghoulish grin,and the sickly pallor of her skin.
Wish I could run,
Wish I could hide,
But she stays so close by my side.
Tears are streaming, steaming, seeming
Not like tears but fire instead.
I feel her hands
Her arms are around me
I can her the voices inside her head.
I am falling, crawling, calling to God and the angels and saints.
"How real is this agony?"
"How hot is this fire?"
"How much more exquisite pain will make me feel entire?"
I started this many years ago, when my sister, who was my hero (17 year. age difference) all my childhood years, was fighting an addiction to many meds. I had just started a detox to get myself right, but she didn't like that. She came to my house everyday with some kind of drug that she'd wave in front of my face. She was also schizophrenic, so she'd get very paranoid about everything. So I was in an ongoing battle of ambivalence, and although I loved her like my mother, I also almost hated her for wanting me sick with addiction. I dunno, let me know what you think, honestly, please?...julie
Here's another one I posted on my blog.
Rejuvenation
When waters run wild, there is a deep calm within me
The whispers of promise and hope reach its depths
However the sound is as deafening as it can ever be
So many goals are not reached just yet
My soul is old but rejuvenated
My spirit is young but wise
Many times I've won but feel defeated
And now I see through open eyes
Though I want him
His love is not needed
Though I love him
Without him I succeeded
I am the Oasis he searches for
I am the butterfly that flies free
Catching me is worth so much more
Trapped is something I can never be
The Truth Is Out There. Trust No One! Deny Everything!
You're upsetting me....on several levels.
Its always good when we have our eyes opened and realize that we CAN fly free and don't need certain people in our lives... And I think you expressed that really well.
---The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had---
Here is a poem I wrote a few years back for my baby brother when he turned 30. It probably wont mean a whole lot to those who dont share the memories but, it does give you an idea as to why our mother was completely grey by 40 .....
My Little Brother
I prayed for a sister or brother, Lord Please?
Our mom’s belly grew bigger day by day
You were born on the 23rd of May
Blessed by a gift that God gave to me
A baby brother to play with when I was just 3
I pushed you around in a brown cardboard box
I caught from YOU the chicken pox
I dressed you up in makeup and heels
Out on the pier, catching fish on reels
Vacation trips, And all that goes along
Rice patties, dubbing, and that stupid camp song
You and I were inseparable
Those long summer days
When in the dirt fort
Your leg went up in a blaze
The empty lot you burnt down
At the neighbors two times
And the car washes and mowed lawns
To help pay the fines
Summers spent with Timmy and Georgie
Mom misunderstanding what you said… What? An Orgy?
Hiding on rooftops, in green camouflage
Setting fire again to that neighbors garage
Walking 2 days on a broken heel
Only going home for an afternoon meal
Climbing on treetops
And exploring the ditches
And who could forget all those stitches?
Searching for treasures
With our “map of hidden riches”
We were pirates, and soldiers while walking in trenches
Secret passages and magic tricks
Is your GI Joe still behind those bricks?
Playing up in our attic at the condo in winter
Paper flowers and airplanes, my GIGANTIC splinter
I am sure that the police somewhere were involved
When the discovery of our attic one day had evolved
A frightening scene I am sure it will be
To some unsuspecting new tenant... he he
Bike jumps on ramps, dirt and rubble
Always, Always in some kind of trouble
Because of my brother I broke a few bones
But, never a day was I all alone!
We never did fight too much that I recall?
Yelling “good night” brother to you down our hall
You stood up for me when any teasing would start
The little gifts you gave me came straight from your heart
Some things I remember with a smile on my face
Transformers and slaystacks, frootloops on school days
Some movies that are still in my head
Again and again we’d watch what they said
Examples of such are Princess Bride, and RAD
Embarrassed we watched those? – Ya, they were really bad
Let’s not forget the greats- “All the rave”
The unforgettable American Fav:
Star Wars, ET and “To the Bat cave”
Music of course had its own special way
Over and over did some songs you’d play
Axle Rose and his Sweet Child O’ Mine
You made fun of me
I though Boy George was “sooooo fine”
Pop rocks, and glow sticks
And innocent crushes,
Suicide slurpees and freezer burn rushes
Wax paper was always a flowing
When at the 50 cent park we were going
A dollar would buy us a 3 hour span
The church pool in August is where we ran
Until of course, the day we were banned
We did grow apart a little with age
As I entered my “teenage” stage
You didn’t mind nor took any harm
Remember? Just the two of us at Knott’s Berry Farm?
I have memories of you in a tux and tie
A growing man of seventeen, school days all gone bye
Then it happened one day you became a father
With the arrival of a red-headed daughter
Child upon child growing a big family
Mom and Dad, grandparents to 7
Between you and me
Then who would have known that the day would arrive
Walking down the aisle was your beautiful bride
I watched as her dad gave her away
Into the arms of my brother a lifetime to stay
How proud to witness this love be united
Now, my little brother is a husband- I was truly excited
I love my brother …My playmate of youth
Roller coasters, tents and unbridled truth
Today is the day that you turn thirty
Your birthday cake, OH, how it torches so pretty J
A husband to Kim,
And a Daddy of 3
But even so, you’re STILL a little brother to me.
Love,
Your Sis
It's just a jump to the left
I love this. I did something very similar for my younger sister a year ago. Memories make for good writing, don't they?
---The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had---
Based on a Lara Fabian song
Every night and day I tell my heart to forget you and not to break anymore. I used to believe that I could go on and find someone. I found there was no other.
Every night I look to the sky and there you are framed against the sky line .You are my life and I pray for when you will be mine t o love again.
I see the rain in the sky and I see your face through every tear that I cry. With every breath and every sound I hear another voice and swear that you're around.
So I said I'd probably not post another thing but the irony of posting this on a web site made me not be able to help myself. Lol. If I'm any good at words you guys may be able to see what I mean. (But, I don't think I'm great so it may just sound like rambling. Haha)
Rising in the blue light, metallic gods
will now do for us what papers have
done for years.
Lost religion in the peripheral scene
of a black and white movie.
That desecration of our minds.
We trip the height of Revolution.
In depth we search for answers;
but find none with the loss of sanity.
Midnight talks with absolute
strangers.
Voluntary denial marks the beginning
of Evolution.
Subtle admissons evoke my silence;
And the mood changes.
"You've got to be crazy, gotta have a real need."
Death comes walking , talking, stalking.
Death comes knocking at my door
I let her in, because I need a friend
but a friend I find no more.
Only devil eyes, ghoulish grin,and the sickly pallor of her skin.
Wish I could run,
Wish I could hide,
But she stays so close by my side.
Tears are streaming, steaming, seeming
Not like tears but fire instead.
I feel her hands
Her arms are around me
I can her the voices inside her head.
I am falling, crawling, calling to God and the angels and saints.
"How real is this agony?"
"How hot is this fire?"
"How much more exquisite pain will make me feel entire?"
I started this many years ago, when my sister, who was my hero (17 year. age difference) all my childhood years, was fighting an addiction to many meds. I had just started a detox to get myself right, but she didn't like that. She came to my house everyday with some kind of drug that she'd wave in front of my face. She was also schizophrenic, so she'd get very paranoid about everything. So I was in an ongoing battle of ambivalence, and although I loved her like my mother, I also almost hated her for wanting me sick with addiction. I dunno, let me know what you think, honestly, please?...julie
I love it hun. The use of repetition and rhyme carries a strong feeling that I can't quite explain. And its so sad to hear the meaning....
---The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had---
It's very strong. Lets you feel what you felt. I like this a lot.
"You've got to be crazy, gotta have a real need."
I had a request to write a poem about when a city girl and a country boy meet. Here we go:
How to tell the tale
City girl, country guy
Two ends of the earth
Oppression hard faced
Lustful desire bright
The curtain falls
A final call
Yes, she gets on board
Temptation, oh the frustration
So bad it makes her sick
Pleasant journey, held breath
Casting out into unknown
What will the picture be
As this city girls train derails
Into the world of another
Falling into a world of unknown
And what of the boy
That turns his eye to the world
Blind, curious child
Reaching out into the night
Finds a hand cast back
Pure as the clouds bright
They meet, they bond
City girls moving down
Together is forever
Two cultures collide
The black of the city
Pale of the light
Wine bottles empty
Love flows right
When the city girl
Derailed in this new world
---The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had---
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