The five levels of a hangover

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Almost Evil
The five levels of a hangover

FIVE LEVELS OF HANGOVER

One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You have drank 11 cans of coke and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a Mongolian stir-fry.

Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the extra spicy giant burrito from the 3:00am Mexican taco joint adventure. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavoured Schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once but you have had 9 Schnapps scented "trips to the bathroom".

Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on with your eyes closed while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. You are only able crawl from the washroom back to your desk as your legs won't support your weight any longer.

Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. The vodka you drank all night has turned to formaldehyde in your system and the vapours are seeping out of every pore in your body making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is swollen and suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the strange looking one legged person was passed out on your bed next to you this morning. You feel as though you may have internal bleeding. Death sounds pretty good right about now.

   

   

Stevie
Re: The five levels of a hangover

For the past 6 months, mine have all been "1-star".  No matter what or how much.

missb
Re: The five levels of a hangover

Yeah its all going into that fat belly that you keep showing on here!! lol...

Stevie
Re: The five levels of a hangover

Several straight bacardi shots & homemade wine chasers.  Several means lots.  Maybe 10.  I was up at 8am the next day.

Hot2na
Re: The five levels of a hangover

Stevie wrote:

Several straight bacardi shots & homemade wine chasers.  Several means lots.  Maybe 10.  I was up at 8am the next day.

you win

there is just no way i can mix anything and walk out of a room on my own. once i select a bevi for the night, that's it. as of late, i wouldn't give up a proper vintage merlot for anything.

><))))'>  

Stevie
Re: The five levels of a hangover

hehe.. didn't say I was chipper.  I was just "up".  Actually, my diaphram was sore for 5 days from praying to the porcelain god for an hour or so...

LBL
Re: The five levels of a hangover

 I had a one star after my wedding.  I was addicted to Coke (the drink), and I  drank so many.  Water tasted nasty, which is weird, because I love water.  But I couldn't stomach it.  Only Coke.  Hmm...

 

 

レ∆∂ㄚ๒ㄩииㄚレ◊√∑Я

Almost Evil
Re: The five levels of a hangover

 I feel like a 2star today- and i didnt even drink! Im out of town visiting family and the dog here woke me up at 6am. SIX AM! Anyone who knows me knows that is a death wish. My body is revolting right now- pounding headache, nausea. Good times! I need a beer...

"So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb. "

-anonymous-
Re: The five levels of a hangover

That's hilarious AE! :D

*little do they know...*

Hot2na
Re: The five levels of a hangover

husband of mine and i simultaneously pulled off decent 5 stars while at the  biltmore estates 2 years ago. after a 72-hour recovery, we vowed to not hit a 5 star hangover at a 5 star resort again.

><))))'>  

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