How do you handle discipline?

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ibcute81
How do you handle discipline?

I was wondering how everyone handles disciplining the step children vs. their own children?

 

I just don't discipline his kids at all. I "tattle" on them actually, just not in a way they can see....I know it's bad, but I don't know how else to handle it that I'm not stepping on his toes....

   

p to the izzle
Re: How do you handle discipline?

I never spank. Never ever. I use time outs. Now a days I don't call it time outs. I call it grounded. A good rule of thumb on time outs is one minute of time out per year of age. So a three year old would get three minutes of time out. It helps if time out is not in their room. Bedrooms tend to have toys, toys lead to playing. playing leads to no punishment. As a general rule I will only let her have her books while on punishment. She is free to read no matter how much trouble she is in. With punishment (and well kids in general) you get back what you put in. The more consistent you are with punishment the more effective it is. Never make idle threats. if you tell a kid to stop or you are going home be prepared to follow through. It sucks to give up what you want to do just to punish but it will pay off. Kids will learn that you don't really mean it when you say you will punish them.

I also started a countdown to punishment. I count from 3 to 0 backwards. If I get to zero without her complying it's punishment. it is remarkably effective. I rarely make it to zero.

I don't want to die without any scars. 

ibcute81
Re: How do you handle discipline?

So you treat your step kids the same as your kids?

~~I B CUTE! Don't argue with me I know I'm cute!~~

p to the izzle
Re: How do you handle discipline?

I don't have a step kid. My daughter is a step child to others and they treat her the same. I treat other people's kids the same as I do my daughter as far as punishment goes. That's as close to a step child as I'm going to get anytime soon.

I don't want to die without any scars. 

Hot2na
Re: How do you handle discipline?

imho, i feel it is critical to treat the step children equally as your own. i feel it is detrimental to the whole merged family integration. if you play favorites, so will the step child. if you treat the step child(ren) as your own, then hopefully they treat YOU as their own - - mother. i have no step children, but had a step mother. once she chilled out and treated us like her own, we (5 siblings) joined together and did the same.

stepchildren usually cannot accept another female as their mother figure for many reasons, one being they would feel they have let their natural mother down, a sense of betrayal, to do such a thing. being the natural mother is still quite involved in their life it makes it quite hard for the children to have that same trust, and love in someone else who they know is not their natural mother. bringing them to a comfort level of feeling motherly love from you can hopefully change that.

><))))'>  

ibcute81
Re: How do you handle discipline?

With me it's hard though because I don't have any kids of my own.....So I don't have anything to "equal" it with....

 

~~I B CUTE! Don't argue with me I know I'm cute!~~

Hot2na
Re: How do you handle discipline?

oh that's right. okay, could you or have you tried to treat them like your own? have little bonding moments.

girl bond suggestion: paint toe nails - at home pedi. good time for girl-to-girl discussions.

boy bond suggestion: are there any video games he likes you could spend a solid hour with him playing?

boy/girl combo: maybe a trip to the library?

what are their ages?

look for summer free activities that you can do with them. the 'Y' has a myriad of free programs, as do some theaters, libraries, city parks & recreation departments, etc.

><))))'>  

ibcute81
Re: How do you handle discipline?

Mini him is 7 and we do play video games...

Mini her is 5 and I braid her hair and play Bratz with her...

It's not the issue of them liking me, most of the time they like me just fine. It's the issue of them being sneaky and their dad not seeing it....and then I look like a fool...so I think I'm going to stick with the role of hear no evil see no evil speak no evil...that seems to be working..because if I say anything it's "well if they don't like you you'll have to leave."....ugh!

 

~~I B CUTE! Don't argue with me I know I'm cute!~~

Hot2na
Re: How do you handle discipline?

fun ages! kids will be kids and at that age, yes - - sneaky little buggers. as long as their 'sneakiness' is not causing anyone harm or permanent damage, just call them on it 'playfully' and demonstrate to them you were a kid once...you too can be fun in a 'been-there-done-that- sort of way <-- but let them know you are aware of it when the situation calls for it.

><))))'>  

Almost Evil
Re: How do you handle discipline?

 

Quote:

because if I say anything it's "well if they don't like you you'll have to leave."....

OMG that, my dear, is effed up!!! You shouldnt have to be scared to tattle on them when they misbehave. If boyfriend doesnt take your ADULT word over that of a child, you have some major problems in your relationship. I cant imagine being with someone who i was afraid to tell the truth.

 

"Who is this irresistible creature who has an insatiable love for the dead? Living Dead Girl"

Anonymous Visitor
Re: How do you handle discipline?

i like your time out do you hit them for they our bad would

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