Movies – What the Nucking Futs is Wrong With Them?

She knew her life was only a matter of few seconds. Each passing instance determined her fate; sealing the doom as ‘Busty’ Ann struggled to close the door behind her. It was a small room; dank, dark and already reeking with chimes of death. 
 
A strange ominous knell started to resonate in her ears as her bright lighted pupils dilated to nothingness – pupils, which once shimmered with hope of life a few seconds ago, now anticipated the final moments of an eminent death scene. 
 
Seconds later, the obtuse villain knocks over the cardboard door with a murderous rampage. The camera follows the bloodied knife trail as the guy shucks it over-and-over again in Ann’s stomach.
 
Music goes to a suspense enriched crescendo; Ann’s body bucks and wriths with searing pain. Here at this point, some pervs in the audience enjoy seeing ‘Busty’ Ann’s last moments of jiggly torment.  We hear a few ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ and then everything cuts down to total darkness.
 
 
Stay tuned for a sequel to the most common movie plots of all time. Noting special fellas… move on now.

 
Bah… what has happened to the world of movies these days? Haven’t we seen enough of unfaithful mistresses slagging off with their loved ones? Haven’t we witnessed the deaths of a few hundred on-set extras as some kind of steroid powered Piranhas, munch their victims’ legs down to tibia? 
 
Or, better yet: what about a horde of zombies following a group of 5 teenagers? Will they be able to make it to the shack? Of course the situation is too good to be true.  You know just as much as I do that there is a ‘b*tch’ in this little crowd, soon to slow everyone down. 
 
As usual, her ankle gives way to a scream. It’s the same old, “Go away, I’ll find a way to stop em”, or “Tell Jake, I always loved him” sort of scenes at this point. For once, have you bothered asking yourself this question: despite of all the technology, a heavy duty budget and latest advancements, why is it that most of the movies suck these days?
 
Why can’t the director poise the technology and all the nice bits to something more sensible, alluring and long lasting?  Despite of the usual crowd of critics foaming at their mouths all the time, things have barely taken a turn for good in the movie industry. What bemuses me most is the involvement of computers, CG graphics and technical perks that rarely get put to a good use. 
 
And that’s Not All of it Folks!
 
YouTube is a massive media hub, overlooking millions of video uploads each day. Every once in a while; a movie trailer is released by some big cinema house. Apart from all the predictable/ crazy assed trailers, some of them are actually good. They build the hype slowly; they take only a few minutes to roughly shed light on the story… until the moment we dread the most… Everything has to be butchered down with the most ridiculous statement of all time: ‘Now Available in 3D’, or ‘Watch in 3D’. 
 
Yeah, as if NOT watching it in 3D will crumble down all the intended effect of the film. The 3D slap is a strong indicative of how films have become more of a product, rather than being an art form these days. Now, with all this stuff being said, there are some chinks in my armor too. 
 
For instance, despite of my unbiased-cum-biased approach towards movies as a geeky critic, I have my flaws. I too have a collection of pathetic films, such as ‘Cowboys and Aliens’ (no offence to the fans here), ‘Push’, ‘Percy Jackson’ series and etc. It’s just because of the reason that I happen to fall in love with a particular scene; the way it is choreographed, or the overall visceral appeal just hinges on to the nerves like a cavity. 
 
Then again, there are people like me who keep a trash collection of movies, amidst classic ones, for the sake of their Blu-ray print. No point in deleting a 20 Gigabyte film that took 2 days to download, eh? That’s the spirit, boy. 
 
Is 3D Worth It? 
 
Coming back to the subject of 3D-ness, is it worth it? ‘Mars Needs Moms’ was probably the first flick released in 3D version. People did watch it; maybe because it was the first of its kind. However, why the hell did the audience choose to stick to 2D, while going for ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’, ‘Kung Fu Panda’ and occasional bits of ‘Avatar’?
 
There could be many reasons for that:
 
a. The price difference. Obviously 3D tickets cost more than 2Ds. 
b. Cheap quality glasses mess up your brain.
c. Some people complain about cornea swelling the next day. My brother experienced it too!
d. Some friend already watched it in 3D and said it wasn’t worth it…
 
Is 3D technology at the cusp of its death today? This is an interesting question but it wasn’t the reason I started writing this article. The reason was plain and simple: why isn’t technology bothering to lend a helping hand to the movies these days? If you are going to say, hey technology doesn’t matter because a movie is based on actors, writers and blah blah, then I will probably smack the smart mouth out of you.
 
Why? Here’s why: interpret technology in the form of something as basic as internet access. Whilst a writer is writing plot or a story for a movie, he/she has access to the internet. Great writers, and even the above average ones, such as; Gayle Lynds, overemphasize the importance of research - It is something that’s vital to a film’s success.
 
Even in the case of books, without prior research, most of the writers are able to publish what critics like to call: “Hack Novels”. They are a cheap thriller, peeled off the back of some famous idea that has already made money for someone in the past. 
 
The multiplexes have combined to represent a robotized image; a digital projection of common formulas, meanwhile leaving behind the pleasures of independently projected movies. 
 
Can We Make a Difference?
 
Though one cannot stop the movie production at full scale, a person can definitely make a difference here ‘n there. I think, the adults and mostly parents can develop and groom our youth to watch “good” movies only. Or at least, they can teach the modern generation the best effective way of saving money by identifying a good production from a bad one.
 
What defines a good film? It’s a complex question. But for starters, try to keep the modern version of Jason, Freddy, a professor who feels like saving the world and Perseus from the Clash of Titan series, out of your minds. 
 
Once in a while, we can pull a chair and fill others in on a discussion pertaining to the modern state of cinema – once in a while, YOU can create a blog post, or send emails, or share views, especially meant to provoke people to watch good movies rather than utilizing the technology to keeping the information within a box. 
 
And if you are really great, which I believe, you are, you can become an adept movie maker, a storyteller, a screenwriter or a novelist to create a difference. You can use the merest facilities, such as a decent internet connection (already stated above) to get started on making a run for the cinemas in any way that deems fit. 
 
Now… time for me to watch Steven Sea-gull kick some domestic booty in a tacky flick! Adios Amigos - Until next time.

   

   

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