Need advice about my Fiancee

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Anonymous Visitor
Need advice about my Fiancee

Hello, I don't really know what my goal here is, I guess I'm moreso asking for advice. My fiancee and I will have been together for 7 years in October, and we're 20 & 21. Recently this year, my fiancee met another man online. My fiancee was very anti social, and has only ever had 5 friends his entire life, so I understood his desperation for friends, no matter how they acted. (After the whole fiasco, I became friends with this other man, mainly for the sake of making sure that nothing happened between them again, and let me tell you, he is downright ridiculous. I don't mean he's his own special kind of weird, I mean that he is dark, brooding, depressing, and needs to be medicated for several chemical imbalances that cause his to believe he has multiple dragon personalities from another universe kind of weird.)
Anyways, to move on, from the middle of January of this year until the beginning of March, he had sexual conversations, (Erotic RolePlay), a full on relationship, and shared pornographic pictures with the other man. The pornography, I generally would have overlooked if it were not for everything else. Also, a few days before this past Christmas, he began talking to our old friends, which I will explain more on in a second. Every time I confronted him on it, he would either deny it, turn it around on me, tell them I had gone crazy, or start getting angry at me for "daring to accuse him of such terrible things".
Basically, to shorten this whole thing up;
- He did many sexual RolePlays and had an online affair (relationship) with the other man.
- When I confronted him and he confessed, he promised to stop doing it, meanwhile he was continuing to do it at the same time as promising me.
- While I was in Iceland for my Great Grandmothers funeral, he was cheating on me and drove me to stay up all night, every night for two weeks, crying my eyes out, chain smoking, and considered suicide many times. Even when I explained I was willing to have an open relationship, so that he would be happy, he complained that I shouldn't be allowed to see other people as well. I got maybe three hours of sleep every two nights.
- He was asked for his passwords, which he denied repeatedly until he was given an ultimatum, me or them, at which point he made the rule that I had to tell him/ask him before going and checking, which seemed suspicious to me, but I agreed. What he didn't know (until confronted) was that I went and checked without him knowing, and found that he had unblocked them, and was doing it all again, and this happened repeatedly for many weeks.
- He used my body, after I told him that I would only be with him physically (or ERP online) if he swore he was willing to change and fix things, and then that very night he would be right back at it.
- He had a hugely difficult time choosing between the woman he had been with for almost 7 years, whom he was planning on marrying, had chosen children's names (for the most part) with, had planned a future with, was trying to move in with, and was able to share everything with, a woman who was willing to do anything, including give up my own well being and happiness just so he could be happy, for a man he knew for a month and a half, over the Internet, that he knew nothing about, was never going to meet in person, who he knew was literally just a sexual tension reliever (if you can call it that).
- Our old friends had called me a freak and weird, saying that I needed to stop being myself (ie wearing tails and being outgoing, talking to random people, and just being random in general). When I confronted them and asked them to stop, they got defensive and proceeded to tell me that I am a crack addicted welfare whore (which I am not even close to being), and called me every name in the book. The reason it hurt so much was that they were my first friends, at the age of 14, after living my entire life ridiculed, stomped on, and suicidal from the age of 4, and they had helped me to come out of my shell, build up my confidence and self esteem, and then they tore it down four years later.
- He became friends with them after seeing the damage it did to me for how many months, and proceeded to tell them that I am a crazy beeeiotch, that I was obsessed with him, that I had "gone off the deep end" and that they shouldn't listen to a word I said.

Now, in his defense, I currently have all his KNOWN account passwords, and he no longer has contact with the other man (I made sure of that), and has been doing everything and anything he can to make it up to me, to fix it, and to gain trust back. The problem I am facing, is that I am having difficulties trusting ANYONE. I can barely sleep, I cry randomly, and I have been getting excruciating pain in my heart to the point that I actually went to the hospital for fear of serious heart issues. I was asked a series of questions, and it was determined that it was just emotional pain. I am having issues trusting anything anyone says, and I have gone from the innocent naive (I don't mean low intelligence, I mean looking at the world with magic and wonder) little girl that has a huge heart and wants to trust everyone with anything no matter what, because everyone deserves trust, to being harder, colder, and untrusting. I am having nightmares, and I have seen a counsellor, I have been confirmed PTSD, (the situation was a LOT worse than I am describing it, I am only giving main points, and they are shortened) and as such I am having issues with being emotionally stable and regaining trust.
The problem is that I cannot tell if he is having conversations, and then deleting them, or if he has multiple accounts that I do not know about.

I have used google as part of my snooping tools, and looked up every variation of all his screen names and emails I know/can think of, plus a mix of his name age and location, and can only find what I already know about. However, when I try putting myself into his mind, I know he is very cunning, and could have come up with something completely different that I wouldn't be able to search.
I only have a phone and an iPad at my disposal, using a computer is very rare for me.
I feel that if I was able to see EVERYTHING he did, including calls, pictures sent/received, conversations had, in video games, Skype, Facebook, other places, steam chat, etc, I would be a lot more at ease. However, there would be huge tension for me to bring up that I would like to place a key logger on his phone and computers, so I want to do it discreetly. I also have the issue that he is the holder of our credit cards, and thus would know immediately if a transaction is made for a key logger.
Basically, I need to know if there are any other ways to check if he has other accounts, other going ons, and need some way to be able to know who he is calling, even though he is able to delete call logs. (I don't need to know conversations, because aside from the four people he should not be talking to, his regular contacts are fine, and anyone else would be cause for red flag as well (he is EXTREMELY antisocial). I need to be able to see conversations written down to certain people (I don't want to go through everything, I want to just be able to type in a few keywords to check where he has said inappropriate things, etc) and I need to be able to put it on his laptop either through email, picture, or extremely small, discreet file transfer through USB that can connect to an iPad, or if it must, be able to be accessed from my brothers computer remotely, without going through the hassle of retrieving the file again from his computer. Also, I only have at absolute most, a 10 minute window frame for the laptop, although much longer for the phone. He also has an iPad that he uses, but I've basically got that one figured out.
So is there any other way that I can figure out if he has other accounts, (that's the absolute minimum I need to begin regaining trust) or is there a free key logger that I can use to check his stuff (by the specifications listed) remotely from an iPad, (or if absolutely must, computer). Also, how can I track texts and phone logs on an android cell phone.

Please, I am begging someone, please help me, I have reclused from my friends, barely eat or sleep, nightmares, can't trust anyone. I am going out of my damned mind, but I want to stick this out, because I can see he's finally growing up. I just need some way to settle my doubts and fears.



Anonymous Visitor
Re: Need advice about my Fiancee
Dump him!
Re: Need advice about my Fiancee

What ⬆️ said,I agree.i also have PTSD from trauma as a child and let me tell you,this is a stressor you cannot put on yourself and survive.DUMP HIM ASAP!!You sound really cool.How dare anyone tell you to stop being yourself ! Are you aware there is someone perfect for you that you won't get to meet because you are running after this clown?Make yourself understand that you are being abused emotionally and mentally.Let me ask you this...can you live without this fool?If you think you can't ,how did you fare BEFORE you had the unpleasant opportunity to hook up with him?The description of yourself sounds like you were content and trusting of most people.Do some comparisons of then and now.Are you REALLY happy with this 'thing' or are you just dependent on him and feel insecure when you are without his dominance?

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