need some advice

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Wonderland
Re: need some advice

agreed...either confront him and make it clear he needs to fess up or remove yourself from the situation...these things have a way of turning around on you and no one ever really knows what goes on between two people...

 

"Lately it occurs to me- what a long, strange trip it's been..."

Stevie
Re: need some advice

[quote=Me in Wonderland]...these things have a way of turning around on you and no one ever really knows what goes on between two people...[/quote]

Correct-a-mundo.  Many times an outsider's good-intentioned interference can cause more problems and even irreparable damage.  There are many possible scenarios other than the simplest assumed one.  It's best to not assume when big things are at risk and unless you are absolutely sure of the situation, I think it's best to stay out someone else's family matters.

Some of you are putting yourself in the girlfriend's place and that's understandable.  It's all you have.  And in this case, I agree.  The boyfriend knows she knows and it probably is as simple as cheating.  The OP got caught knowing and this makes it a special case.

But there are other scenarios.  You never know why someone may be with someone other than their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife.  Could be because the other partner cheated first.  Private temporary separation but wanting to keep the family together.  You never know.  There is a possibility that good-intentioned involvement from an outsider can cause a family with children to break up when otherwise things might have been worked out.  Someone from the outside butting in where they don't belong could cause a child's world to fall apart when otherwise a reconciliation between the parents would have taken place.  Unless it's you personally, you never know.

Generally, I say mind one's own business.

PhOeNiX_OaSiS
Re: need some advice

 Well, I went through a similar situation pretty recently. I DID tell my friend that her boyfriend was cheating. She is still with him. She appreciates that I was a friend and told her. BUT, our friendship is not the same. I hardly talk to her if at all. So, you have to ask yourself.....are you willing to risk a friendship.

I know how hard it is to keep it inside you. I couldn't hang out with her knowing what I knew. It was killing me inside. I couldn't stay her friend without telling her. I kept thinking if she found out and knew that I knew that she would be angry with me. So either way I might loose my friend, so I decided to tell her. I have no regrets in telling her. And even though our friendship is dwindling, I think it was the right thing to tell her.

The boyfriend is going to hate you forever and think that you're just a meddling b!tch. I was threatened, but it still didn't stop me. I say go for it.

 

The Truth Is Out There. Trust No One! Deny Everything!

You're upsetting me....on several levels.

missb
Re: need some advice

Well it depends on how close you are with your friend, if it's a life long friend she needs to know for sure. Also other factors to consider are, how long shes with him, how serious are they? In saying that, if it was my boyfriend that was cheating and my friend knew and didnt tell me, I don't think i would talk to her again, knowing what she knew and continued to let me be made a fool of. At the moment he is basically laughing at you, he knows you know and so far havent said anything, which means he will continue to do it, what I would do is confront him, tell him he has a week to either, tell her, or break up with her or else you're telling her.

 

What goes around comes around..don't forget it!
 

D G
Re: need some advice

That sucks.

There are always 2 sides to a break .. whether both parties know it or not. But cheating is at best for cowards and at worst for narcissistic hypocrites. I have been on both sides of the issue, so I do not judge. I would just stay away from toxic people in my life. It's not fair to her, but if she specifically asks why you are no longer around as much, then you can decide what to share.

DrLala
Re: need some advice

I think you should tell her, with your boyfriend there to back you up.  At least then you have him to verify it so you can get the story straight.  It might strain your relationship for a while but once she finds out he's a dog you will be there for her becuase you are her FRIEND.... boys come and go and friends are just that... friends, we are always here for each other.  Not talking to someone over a silly boy for a month is definatley worth a lifetime of friendship...

My thoughts are with you!  Good luck honey!

animestrinity
Re: need some advice

*shrugs* if you're really this person's friend... then I'd tell them.  You don't have to be accusing, just tell them what you saw. 

I only say this because if he's cheating on her, she might end up with some incurable disease or something... a fair warning to her is all she needs... if she chooses to continue being with him, that's her problem.  If she gets mad at you... maybe she'll get over it... if not, it's not like you were going to continue to stick around them anyway since you obviously feel so strongly about this.

That's just my opinion.... I think I'd feel horrible if I found out my friend got AIDS or something from their cheating boyfriend... when I knew he was cheating.

________________

PhOeNiX_OaSiS
Re: need some advice

 That's an extremely good point Anime. Forget feelings, we're talking about people's health now. Not everyone is smart enough to use condoms.

 

 

The Truth Is Out There. Trust No One! Deny Everything!

You're upsetting me....on several levels.

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