Opinions Wanted

13 posts / 0 new
Last post
somewhere over ...
Opinions Wanted

First this is going to be long, apologies for that! But this has been bothering me and I am curious as to what everyone thinks about this situation and what you would do and think about this.

I have a very good friend who met this guy through a friend of mine on the internet.  They have been chatting over the last 8 months on a chat program and on the phone as well daily, exchanged letters, gifts etc..  They have from what she says fallen in love and have made plans to meet soon. They have never met.

During their 8 month relationship there have been several incidences of her finding out that he hasn't been totally honest with her.  The one that has come up recently is this.  A few months ago this guy added a girl onto his friends list. Apparently this girl lives in the area he does and she started to write him and they made plans to meet, something went wrong and they missed each other, but he did go there. 

He told my friend a lie as to where he was going that night, when the meeting didn't happen, he came home and contacted my friend on their chat program and talked to her like nothing had happened and said he had a great time out with his friends.

When this girl he was to meet got home she felt he had set her up as he didn't meet her, she figured out that he had a girlfriend,  who it was, as my friend was the top on his friends list, this girl got mad, asked to be added to her friends list. This guy realized the other girl was pissed and told my friend not to accept her as a friend, to block this girl and he said this girl was crazy and stalking him. He also said he was going to block her as well. 

My friend did contact this girl at the time as she wanted to know and in turn this girl forwarded all his emails to my friend. My friend then in turn confronted him and he denied meeting her, which in essence is true, they never met but the intention was there, as he did go there.  The reason the meeting never took place is the guy was about 20 minutes late getting there and the girl got tired of waiting and left. I know he went there as my friend who knows him told me he really did go there.

So my friend and her boyfriend had a huge argument over this. He denied meeting her, he said he was just playing around with the emails to this girl, he never had any intentions of going, that this girl was crazy, etc. That he had blocked this girl as well.

Well my friend and this guy worked it out, she I think justified it in her mind it being an online relationship, that things would be different once she was there.  My friend also had enough of the myspace drama and deleted her myspace account thinking things were good with her boyfriend as he promised her the moon and stars and that he hadn't lied to her etc but I know he did and I did tell my friend that.

This girl had from before my friends email address. So guess what, several days ago my friend logs into her email account and first found an email from this girl asking if they were still together, then came a bunch of emails that her boyfriend had sent to this girl one as recently as Friday.  The gist of the emails were he wanted to take this girl out, that he thought she was sexy, that he wanted to set up another meeting, he gave this girl his proper email address so she could send pictures, they were also going to exchange cell phone numbers. This girl wrote my friend wanting to know if they were still together or not as my friend had deleted her myspace account, so this girl thought they were done. Realizing they weren't over she felt this guy was a dog and wanted my friend to see what he was doing, I am not sure of this girls motives but she did let my friend know.

Needless to say my friend is devastated and confronted him once again.  The excuse on his part is that this girl kept writing to him so he was again doing it for fun, that he might have been drinking, that he really didn't know why he kept doing it especially after what it caused between them the first time. But he maintains he loves my friend, that he can't be without her.

So do you guys think that things will be different once she gets there with him? Is he the type no matter what is going to be this way even if she is there?  Is this what happens with online relationships and do they ever really work out?  She will be giving up a lot to go there to be with this guy.  There have been a few other incidences with this guy and I am more than sure many more that she doesn't even know about.

I have written a novel here, thanks for listening and your opinions.

 

   

   

LBL
Re: Opinions Wanted

 I agree with .  He's toying with her and is cheating on her.  Tell her to move on because it seems like she's always going to be struggling with stuff like that, even if she is there or not. 

 

 

レ∆∂ㄚ๒ㄩииㄚレ◊√∑Я

missb
Re: Opinions Wanted

I have a couple of questions? First, how old are your friend and this guy? How far away do they live from each other and what do you mean by "when she goes there"? Do you mean shes going there to visit OR she's going there to live? I hope you mean the former because you don't just up and move somewhere over someone you met online. He seems pretty immature to me, but I don't know how old he is, and when you meet someone online while you may be having a "relationship" I don't think it seems 100% real until you actually meet in person. He does seem like a player but in saying that, he hasn't met your friend yet so who's to say what can happen when they do meet. I wouldn't totally write him off just yet.

 

 

Wishing peace and happiness to all this Christmas!

 

 

somewhere over ...
Re: Opinions Wanted

 

Hi, my friend is 27 and her boyfriend is 37, he has been married before, no kids are involved.  One lives the in US and the other lives in Canada. The original plan was for her to go and visit with him for about a month and see how things worked but she is convinced that once she meets him she won't want to come back.  She is willing to give it all up to go and be with him.

I think he is a player, with many irons in the fire.

 

========================

~Live - Laugh - Love~

 

missb
Re: Opinions Wanted

*sighs* that is very discouraging! At 37 he should not be acting like hes 17. The dating world does indeed suck these days, men just seem to never mature, which is just plain sad. The internet has made cyber cheating so easy. Her thinking shes not going to want to come back is a little naive, you can't just leave to be with a stranger, she has to come back and tie up loose ends here one way or another. I would be wary, I would still go and see him to see what he's all about, who knows, she may get there and decide that he's not for her after all. If she doesn't go she'll never know and always be wondering.

 

 

Wishing peace and happiness to all this Christmas!

 

 

Hot2na
Re: Opinions Wanted

somewhere over the rainbow wrote:
A few months ago this guy added a girl onto his friends list.

that is a red alert if i've ever seen one! first sign is always the worst sign. sounds like he is keeping his options open by keeping one on the back burner. some men are the type that just simply cannot handle being alone so they play both ends until they get a solid bite!

somewhere over the rainbow wrote:
So do you guys think that things will be different once she gets there with him?

not likely. i think we've all seen this type of scenario play out. not a fairytale ending.

 

<º))))><.·´¯`·.¸

missb
Re: Opinions Wanted

Hot2na wrote:
first sign is always the worst sign.

2na, I am SO loving this line!!! It's so true too!!!

 

 

Wishing peace and happiness to all this Christmas!

 

 

sunshine23
Re: Opinions Wanted

Your friend should RUN, not walk, as fast as she can away from this guy! If he is deceitful now, he will be be deceitful later. He obviously does not care for your friend the same way she cares for him. He may say he does, but his actions say differently. If she keeps wasting her time with this guy she is going to miss opportunities to meet someone who will treat her right.

D G
Re: Opinions Wanted

I enjoy being online from time to time, but sorry, a man whom youve never met in person is not your boyfriend.

Encourage her to find someone in her zip code. Or at least her own state.

missb
Re: Opinions Wanted

D G wrote:
a man whom youve never met in person is not your boyfriend.

So true! Some people just don't get that though!

 

 

Wishing peace and happiness to all this Christmas!

 

 

Hot2na
Re: Opinions Wanted

D G wrote:
I enjoy being online from time to time, but sorry, a man whom youve never met in person is not your boyfriend.

i agree with your first sentence D G. however, i do know more than i can count of many online hook-ups that have led to marriage, engagements, and/or long-term-fully-committed-no-strings-or-skeletons relationships.

my advice if she wishes to proceed. two words: Background Check

 

<º))))><.·´¯`·.¸

Pages

Add new comment