A subject on love and logic

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CC is Incorporated
A subject on love and logic

So, I'm a young woman in her 20's and I've dated some odd men. Yes odd. I try to stay away from patterns but I find that that is a pattern nonetheless. So I met a guy a few months back. He's a sweet person but has a complicated life so I have stayed away. That is another story though. First, I'm not dating this person or seeing him. He and I have great conversations about all sorts of things. He is very intelligent and one of the more logical people I've met. I like that because we can talk about things without involving the emotions which is the way I think it should be for the most part. I think it is important to be able to defend yourself properly on your beliefs without including emotional pleas because not everyone will relate to you emotionally.

To the point. He will never be exclusive to a single person. We have not gone into why.. yet, but I find that I disagree with this sort of life-style. He argues that he is faithful to people, and when he means faithful he does not mean exclusive but that he is there for the person in all the ways that is needed including emotionally and as a friend. He also argues that they are special although he is not exclusive. I believe he is sincere in his beliefs but I find it disturbing. He and I have conversations all the time about how we are socialized. Now I can't quite figure out why it bothers me and if it is only because we are socialized to believe in one partner, true love, and so on or if it is something else I haven't managed to put into words yet. He does no harm to the women he gets involved with because he does not promise to be exclusive but he also recognizes that it can lead to emotional disappointment. So what do you think? Could you live this way and be satisfied, do you live this way and are you satisfied, and if not why? <Let's use our brains so I can win the argument ;) LOL >

   

   

Hot2na
Re: A subject on love and logic

CC is Incorporated wrote:
To the point. He will never be exclusive to a single person. We have not gone into why. So what do you think? Could you live this way and be satisfied, do you live this way and are you satisfied, and if not why?

let me preface my thoughts with a disclaimer: "i'm happily head over heels married to the man of my dreams" -

okay, on to my thoughts on this. i know an handful of men i can put into this scenario. they do not have a commitment issue, but a sexual addiction issue. they enjoy the physical part of a relationship far more than the emotions that tangle it. most women are not wired that way and 99% of the time let their emotions get in the way.

my question to you is, are you becoming emotionally attached to this person and his "have not gone into why" is beginning to bother you as a result of such? are you looking for a way in to a relationship or how to broach the possibility?

 

<º))))><.·´¯`·.¸

CC is Incorporated
Re: A subject on love and logic

Haha, no not at all. He is a wonderful person and at first I was attracted to him. He has a great personality but after he told me about his situation I told him it wasn't for me. I will not go down that road with him. It does not bother me that he has not explained his reasoning behind his life-style. Like I said he and I get into debates about all sorts of things and sometimes we lose track of what we were talking about and talk about other stuff. I have met his wife and she is a nice girl but his situation is faaaar too weird for me. I'm more traditional when it comes to love and marriage. I believe in one person and the word faithful incorporates being exclusive wheras for him it does not. I brought this up because he wrote a little blog about it on his page. Not sure who it was meant for but he was mocking my poems. Jokingly of course. I write a lot of poems so he wrote one about how he will not be exclusive to anyone. It is a topic we touched on a few months back when I first met him but I'm sure we will continue it again another time. Just interested in getting other peoples view points on this subject because it is so different from my own view. I did a little research and they call people with this belief polyamorous. Interesting theory but not for me. Lol. He knows me well enough to know that I will come up with a rebuttal to his poem. He is a very logical person so I can't simply say I feel it is wrong. I have to know why I feel it is wrong. I am exploring this here with all of you. :)

Hot2na
Re: A subject on love and logic

CC is Incorporated wrote:
I have met his wife and she is a nice girl but his situation is faaaar too weird for me.

whoa! did i totally miss that in the main thread? i apologize if i did. so he is a have his cake and eat many others type? that changes my point of view. i'm going to think about it again and come back. but clarify if that is what he is/does.

 

<º))))><.·´¯`·.¸

CC is Incorporated
Re: A subject on love and logic

He probably wouldn't view it as a have your cake and eat it too type of situation. The situation between him and his wife is complicated. They have known each other a long time, they have decided that they don't want to be together but they are together for a few different reasons. They don't have enough money to live seperately and they have 2 kids together. They got married just recently to be able to have insurance and all the other benefits of being married. They both see other people but they both still sleep together... yes, I find this strange. Some people believe they don't have to be in a monogomous relationship to share something special with people. He is one of those believers. I don't know if this is a life-style that he will continue but for now this is how he lives. I steer clear of the scenario but I am his friend, strictly. No hopes for anything more. To me its actually a bit of a turn off - his situation that is. So what he and I have been discussing of late is people and relationships because I talk to him about my relationship. So we view commitment differently. Not sure what his view is on it but for me it is synonymous to being in a relationship. He doesn't view it that way. He wouldn't catagorize himself as an anamorous person because I think he would or could be committed but he argues for not being. So, he has said thus far on the topic, that he knows it can lead to emotional disatisfaction but that he still appreciates the person(s). He also says they are all special in their own way.... I can't exactly say it is selfish if he does not promise commitment and if he tells the person his situation. I know because he told me. So, I can say that it is unusual for the culture we are raised in. That maybe expecting another person to be able to handle such a situation is asking a lot. It must close him off to some good people since I'm sure he has been judged for it. I could say that it may affect his children but they have no clue in reality, he is very careful with them. That's all I've got that is solid so far which isn't much. He's got it undercontrol. He is happy. He is one who believes that people don't make us feel a certain way, only that we allow people to affect us thus we make ourselves feel a certain way. So we are in control of how we feel, not someone else. Makes sense.... Like I said he's very logical so it is hard discussing things because he's very good at arguing. I'm.. not so good but getting better. Lol   ;)

missb
Re: A subject on love and logic

Lots of people, both men and women are like this. Some possibilities for being like this are, fear of being hurt, commitment phobics, seeing too many relationships go down the tubes, all of these things can contribute to one being like your friend. Some people don't think its natural to be with the one person for the rest of your life. I think the fact that he is upfront about it and doesn't lead anyone on is quite admirable, lots of people say one thing that they think you want to hear to get what they want, and end up hurting the other person, he doesn't seem to be one of them. I like to believe that there is such a thing as true love and that 2 people can be happy together forever, but not everyone thinks that way. Some people are actually happy not being commited to any one person, and personally I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

 

 

Wishing peace and happiness to all this Christmas!

 

 

Wonderland
Re: A subject on love and logic

a man that's worth thinking about will be all about you.  and just you.  this whole other people, can't commit crap is just that.  crap.  trust me.  i've been there.  he!! i've done it to people.  i have commitment issues.  but i would never agree to a relationship with a guy that has others on the side.  and i'd hope he'd ask for the same.  it's nothing to do with beliefs.  that's just an excuse. 

 

 

"With my big black boots and an old suitcase, I do believe I'll find myself a new place..."

 

D G
Re: A subject on love and logic

1) You may be coming emotionally invested in this guy...

2) This philosophy works fine if both (all) people in the relationship with this man feel as he does.

3) It is much easier to have multiple lovers if you are not actually in love with any one of them.

4) If you are (he is) married and there are kids involved, (tell him) dont be a selfish bastard and get a divorce.

CC is Incorporated
Re: A subject on love and logic

No, unfortunately I am still in love with my ex so me being emotinally attached to this guy isn't really possible at this point. He is a friend and that's all. I find the subject interesting since I've never met someone like him before. He has been a good friend and I'm sure I'll see as time goes on how his life-style affects himself, his wife, and his children. For now, it is something to take up time. :)

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